I felt the wind surge through me,
pushing me down slightly.
I collided into you and my world became stable,
but not for long.

Soon enough there were fights every other day,
my world began to fade into gray.

It had been like this twice before,
although neither of them had been you,
I felt as if someone was attempting to even the score.

I thought you'd be different,
so I held on with all my **** might
only to come up empty handed
in the middle of the night.

My heart was shattered
along with my pride,
with my entire body scattered,
I cried.

I cried out some nonsense,
but then I cried out to you
only to have no correspondence.

She asked me why I stared at her
whenever we were seated
in the same room.
Why all my attention was focused
on her, even when hers wasn't
anywhere on me.

The distressed sound of her voice
and the lost look in her eye
are what led me to answer her question.

I stare at her because she is beautiful.
Because I'm quite aware that if I don't,
she might do something spectacular
and I would've never known.

My attention is constantly focused on her
because she is a light and I am a moth,
I must seek what draws me in:
she drew me in.

Her smile and her laugh made me swoon,
made me feel light headed,
while mine did nothing to affect her at all.

I answered her question with three simple words,
I don't know
because it's better if she doesn't know
that I find her unbelievably beautiful.
that she is a light in my dim world.

It's better if she doesn't know that I love her,
that every single day is filled with me
counting down the minutes until I can see her again.

It's just better this way,
there's no heartbreak or rejection.
Call me selfish,
but I think that I'm allowed to look out
for myself.

we were meant to
fail from
the start.

didn't want anyone
wrecking my
fragile heart.

two beating hearts
all alone,
and oh so different
from one year ago.

once we were
on the same path,
but now we're
straying from that.

you blame yourself,
but you shouldn't,
you should only blame
her.

she was the one
to destroy all of
my trust
for anyone and everyone.

I wasn't anything precious
to her,
but to you
I'm the sun
and you're the
planets.

please don't beat yourself up,
but sometimes we all just have
to leave someone
we love.

I left you.

Of course you don't
realize that.

We were two puzzle pieces,
but we wouldn't fit;
you can't shove two things
together and hope for the
best.

We fought all the time
and I never cried,
you were the one that always
did that.

Correct me if I'm wrong,
but opposites don't always
attract.

In science they may,
but with people
they don't.

We were opposites,
I was calm
and you were the storm.

I was brave
and you were a coward
that hid behind closed doors.

Two people can't be together
if they can't stand each other.

I couldn't stand you.

The fond way you stared
at me made me sick.

And the way you screamed
made me *****.

I hated you and you loved me.

There was a point in time
where we were both
madly in love,
but then I stopped.

When and Where?
I don't know.

I am manipulative
and you are innocent.

These kinds of things never work.

You smiled at me
and the world didn't
feel so cruel.

You listened to me
and I knew I wasn't
alone.

You helped in me in so many ways
and I knew that I could
count on you.

I became clingy,
and you swore that you
loved it.

You swore you loved me.

But things change,
and these things become people,
people who hurt you,
and people who leave you.

So tell me where I'm wrong
to cry over someone I loved.

Tell me where I have mistaken
every little thing
I ever knew about
you and I.

Just tell me something
and stop boxing your emotions away
and stop hiding from me.

I'm only here to help you
like you helped me
because that's what friends do.

That's what we do.

Or did we change somewhere
in some place that I wasn't aware about.

When and where did you decide
that you didn't love me anymore?

Because I still love you
and I still care
and I hate myself for it.

People like you are wrong
and manipulate people like me.

But that never stopped us before,
so why did it now?

"Get over it.  If you're not going to come out then don't complain."

I get that my "complaining" may seem
annoying to you,
but you've obviously
never experienced
gender dysphoria before.

I live in the realm of it
with every wrong pronoun
to filling out applications
and having to choose
the girl option.

You're blessed to have
the parents you have
who love and accept you
no matter what.
While my parents would
put me in therapy
if I even
dared
to come out.

Don't tell me to get over it.
Don't tell anyone to get over it.
Unless you're telling yourself
to ******* grow up
and get over yourself.

You say that you're
gender queer as well,
then treat people
with the respect
you want.

Let me cry into your shirt
because I'm not a girl,
but I'm forced to see one
in the mirror
everyday.

Let me call you in the middle of the night
because it's gotten bad
because I feel every
ounce of my self hatred
late a night
when no one is around.

Just be there
because I didn't tell you for no reason.

I trusted you to be
careful and kind
to me, to my secret,
but you had to be
bitter and tell me to
get over it.

I can't breathe.

The air that you
so proudly gave me
is sickening.

I'm choking on every word
you said
whenever you claimed
we'd last.

We failed and I promise you
it wasn't my fault.

You were the one who wanted to push
my limits.
I said no and you said yes,
so you won.

I'm sorry that I wasn't
mature enough
for you yet
even though I was older.

I wanted more things in life,
while you wanted
texts and anything
that I refused.

You left and I
didn't cry.
It was for the best that we
went our different ways,
but I can't stop
thinking of what
we could've been
if you actually
loved me.