i stopped wearing makeup
i think when i shaved off my eyebrows,
(i wasnt allowed hair because id just pull it out again)
fake freckles to orange skin to nothing

sometimes you just need someone to
tell you that it's worth it,

that living isn't a game
only played
to lose.

i lost everything in moments
i couldn't count on my fingers
and toes.

all my blessings are coming,
i'm sure,

but i'm so blind
that i don't really see them anymore.

sometimes you're sad for no reason
and people ask you
why?

and you cannot answer.

does hamburger meat stick together because it is still searching for the ghost of it's bones?
in college, i worked in a factory.
i trudged to work every monday morning at five thirty and put on gloves
to plunge into the sticky mess of beef that i weighed and clipped and submerged in.
the meat sticks together and bleeds into the same palm, which is my own.
i am livestock.
i am a nonsensical sticky mass of fat that is being pulled apart by another.
although i am trying to pull myself back together,
the bones i clung to were yours.

numbness upon
beholding
mangled roadkill,

i cried for hours once
when i went to the skating rink
instead of the carnival

most outgrow
their crybaby stage

i grew into
mine

i love to sit on
the sharp-****** shore
and watch, wait
for the next wave
to destroy 3 months' work

the gritty, hamd-scooped sandcastle
mercifylly spared by some
of my white-tipped peaks

obliderated
by the occasional
flash of monstrosity

there's too much light in this place.
i've got to close my eyes and remember.
sit with me a while and remember,
for remembrance is more important when
you have scars on the wrists of time,
on the wrists of your mind, and
everything inside of you is yearning.

tell me how you really feel
about me and i'll try to stop wishing for your love
if it isn't what i wanted to hear.
i promise.

there are some things we want that we can’t always have. happiness. love. but we make it through, you know? why? because humans are resilient creatures. we are made to withstand pain, and loss, and whatever else. biologically that’s how we’re made, it’s an evolutionary thing. it’s something that happened because of our history as creatures on earth. we are adaptable.

i hold my head up so i don’t drown in his horizons.
and i remember someone said i should try to expand mine.
i was in luck trying to do so when he was where i could find him.
and i remember he said that he’d hold my hand. and time,
folds in on itself
cold as if hell’s
fire’s burned out
i’m sure now

this isn’t love it’s too broken to be
and i’m not your drug like i was hoping i’d be
but i’ll move on eventually
lovers are supposed to set you free
but you don’t do that anymore
no, not anything like before