He starred in two Apple Dumpling Gang movies and The Shaggy D.A.
He was an awesome comedic actor and his name was Tim Conway.
He starred in The Tim Conway Show and in one episode of 7th Heaven.
He starred in McHale's Navy and a few episodes of Married With Children.

He was a recurring guest and became a cast member of The Carol Burnett Show.
He starred in several episodes of Yes, Dear and The Billion Dollar Hobo.
When he entertained people, he improved their lives.
Sadly, we've lost a legend at the age of eighty-five.

It was seven years ago when you celebrated your final Mother's Day.
We had to bury you ten months later when you passed away.
Before you became ill, your death wasn't something that our family anticipated.
We made the doctors do everything they could, including having your leg amputated.
You became a mom in 1967 when you gave birth to my only brother.
You were a unique person and one of the world's greatest mothers.

I was a rich tycoon who was obsessed with greed.
I wanted more and more money even though it was something I didn't need.
Something happened to me and I'd like to explain how but I can't.
My personality completely changed after I had a heart transplant.
Instead of wanting to make more money, I'm giving money to the poor.
Things completely changed after my operation, I'm nothing like I was before.
I own four apartment buildings and I was a slumlord.
The tenants hated me, I wasn't a man who they adored.
The apartments weren't fit to live in but I had all of them repaired.
In the past, I didn't give a **** about my tenants but now I care.
I learned that my new heart came from a man who was only twenty years old.
Before he died of cancer, he was the salt of the earth with a heart of gold.
He gave money to charities and always put his needs before the needs of others.
When I got his heart, I also got his personality and I think of all men as brothers.
I don't know how this happened but there is one thing that I do understand.
I've become a very good person because I received the heart of a good man.

I agreed to do a lot of yard work for a man for 125 bucks.
I did the work but when I asked for the money, he said that I was ******.
Before he slammed the door in my face, he gave me the bird.
I'd never seen such behavior before, it was absolutely absurd.
To get even, I cut down two trees and they fell on his house and fractured his roof.
When he confronted me, I knocked his teeth out, he doesn't even have one tooth.
I'm a bad man when I get ******, people will pay me what they owe.
If I work for you and you don't pay, the hospital is where you will go.

Even though my wife is somebody who I love and adore,
She decided not to let me touch or see her ***** anymore.
Every time I wanted to see or caress them, she said  no and I would cry.
She wouldn't let me anywhere near them and she told me the reason why.
She said that  I couldn't see or touch them because I'm poor.
She said that I could see and touch them if I got rich but not before.
But I've always been so poor that I'm destitute.
Last month, I decided to rob a bank to get the loot.
I was caught by the cops after they shot me in the ****.
I knew  that I would go to jail, I knew that I was licked.
After a doctor examined  me, he said that I can no longer father children and I'm depressed.
I'm sterile and I'll be spending many years in prison because of my wife's *******.

When Rocky Balboa returned from Russia, he'd been cheated out of his money, he didn't have a penny.
I was at his estate sale and I bought his Lamborghini.
But Rocky followed me home and said that he was ready to attack.
He said he'd break every bone in my body if I didn't give the car back.
Rocky was with his son and he was trying to prove that he was a tough guy.
I kicked him in the nuts and his son was shocked because Rocky started to cry.
Rocky's son thought his dad was as tough as a gorilla but he turned out to be a wimp.
He lost a lot of respect for his dad, now when he looks like him, he thinks of him as a chimp.
You may believe that Rocky is tough but he's not.
Rocky turned out not to be as tough as he thought.

Three convenience store employees thought what they did was funny but I think it was cruel.
Those three people said that I won a thirty million dollar lottery and then yelled "April Fool".
They sold me a fake lottery ticket with the winning numbers.
They started laughing and said that a person couldn't be any dumber.
For a few minutes, they tricked me into believing that I was a rich man.
I thought that I could drive a Rolls Royce and throw away my minivan.
When those idiots yelled "April Fool", all hell broke loose.
They thought it was funny and didn't expect such abuse.
I beat the hell out of all three of them and they made loud thuds when they fell.
I'm as poor as I ever was and now I will be spending the next year or two in jail.
I'm in a lot of trouble, I also broke some other things in addition to breaking the law.
When I repeatedly punched those convenience store clerks, I broke their ribs and jaws.
My obese mother-in-law just yelled "April Fool" after saying that she was going to pay my bail.
I just knocked her on her bloated **** so now I guess I'll be spending even more time in jail.