I moved to this neighborhood forty-two years ago today.
I moved here six months before Elvis Presley passed away.
Crosby Park is the name of my neighborhood.
I've been here for a long time and I'll be here for good.
I still remember the day when I moved here.
It's been over four decades, that's a lot of years.
I became the owner of my property eight years ago in 2011.
My parents gave it to me two years before they went to Heaven.
I moved to Crosby Park forty-two years ago today.
I've been here since I was five and I'm here to stay.

I have a son who is so stupid that I want to give him a slap.
He wanted hushpuppies and I said "We got no time for that crap!"
I'm Buford T. Justice and I'm a bubblegum machine.
I'm the best sheriff that the state of Texas has ever seen.
I've been chasing a man who calls himself the Bandit.
He frustrates me so **** much that I can't stand it.
I've tried and tried but he's somebody who I can't catch.
He drives 110 miles per hour, I've finally met my match.
When I starred in the 3rd Bandit movie, the Bandit turned out to be fake.
My idiotic son and I will catch the real Bandit no matter what it takes.

Certain people like the new Doctor Who TV show but I think It's foul.
If I had a choice between watching it and having dental surgery, I'd choose a root canal.
And rather than watching Doctor Who, I'd rather have that root canal without anesthetic.
I stopped watching the new Doctor Who because It's pathetic.
I loved the classic Doctor Who television show, it was my favorite show on TV.
And I honestly believe that the new Doctor Who has been ruined by the BBC.
If you like and want to watch the new Doctor Who, that's okay.
But If I had a Genie, I'd wish for that **** TV show to go away.

One day Barney Fife was practicing his quick draw.
He accidentally shot Thelma Lou, he broke the law.
Andy had no choice but to put Barney in jail.
But Andy let Barney out when he said he had a crop of marijuana to sell.
Barney offered Andy a fifty-fifty deal.
But Andy wanted it all, he decided to steal.
He shot poor Barney and dumped his body in Myers Lake.
Andy became furious when he learned the marijuana was fake.
The crop of marijuana turned out to be oregano.
Andy was arrested and jail was where he had to go.
Andy will be pounding rocks for the rest of his days.
The Sheriff soon learned that crime doesn't pay.

I didn't get much schooling so I can't read or write.
Many people don't understand my situation and plight.
I thought I was buying sugar but I bought salt.
My cake made people puke and it was my fault.
When I drive, I can't read stop signs so I always crash.
Over thirty people have sued because of whiplash.
When I was seven, Dad wouldn't let me go to school anymore.
When a person can't read or write, it closes so many doors.
I can count to ten but I have to use my fingers and thumbs.
And if you actually believe I can't read or write after reading this poem, you are dumb.

I learned the hard way that real bears aren't like Winnie the Pooh.
I decided to pet one and I soon learned it was a stupid thing to do.
When I tried to pet him, he bit off my hand.
I can no longer drive a taxi so I was canned.

I thought that all bears were like Winnie the Pooh, kind and gentle.
When my wife learned that I lost my hand and job, she went mental.
My wife used to be understanding and sweet, we used to laugh and cuddle.
As she walked out the door, I kicked her in the **** and she landed in a mud puddle.

She didn't want a man with no job and no hand so she decided to leave.
But getting a swift kick in the **** wasn't something she expected to receive.
If you've seen Child's Play, you'll understand that my wife has the temper of Chucky.
Losing my hand and job caused me to lose that witch so I guess that I'm pretty lucky.

Let me tell you about Barney Rubble.
He's a criminal who is in big trouble.
Barney lost his job and Bamm-Bamm was taken by the state.
That made him turn mean, he has been consumed by hate.
He and Fred Flintstone are enemies noe, he's gotten himself in a mess.
Barney looked through Fred's window and watched Wilma undress.
Wilma knew that he was watching but didn't care.
She didn't mind him seeing her while she was bare.
Barney bought a new car after he kidnapped Pebbles and sold her on the Black Market.
But the bank took his house so he had no place to park it.
All of this started because Barney lost his son.
Now Fred is out looking for Barney with a gun.
Fred is determined to shoot his former friend and watch him die.
He just found Barney so now Barney can kiss his **** goodbye.