im so scared to be me again
afraid of crawling after you
on my hands and knees
waiting for you

im so afraid that i will be all for you
and none for me

My body has been scarred
Beaten and left broken
Its been torn apart
By my single hand
And the heaviness of the feeling that was left behind
Weighs me down at times of blue

But there's a flicker of fire in my soul
Something that hasn't been extinguished by my ****** hand
And it speaks to me softly of how I should be
That this life I have put myself through isn't the life I deserve

And this flick of hope gives me courage
That fills me with fury
To do the things I've been told I couldn't do or couldn't be

There's also the darkness in my head
And it tells me not to hope
Or not to believe
Not while I'm still living

This spark of darkness tells me that I deserve all those scars
And all the beat and tear
It shows me that the only relief to find is
The relief of life

The problem is
That I can't decide
Which one is right

It's easier to suffer in silence than trying to explain the extent of the pain.

My dear, you deserve the kind of love that is not perfect but will wrap its arms around you, runs his fingers through your hair, and kisses your forehead most tenderly. A love that stays even after you told him to leave, always ready to accept you with open arms and an open heart, the kind that stays true to his roots and words. A love that makes mistakes, has downfalls and shortcomings, but will make it up for you because he does not want to lose you. A love that argues, has flaws and differences…a love that is not perfect but it is exactly what you need.

you took me by the hand,
you told me you loved me,
a toy castle appeared
out of nowhere,
you told me you
bought it for us to live in,
you pulled out a ring,
it was your grandmothers,
you asked me to marry you,
i said yes before you
could finish with
a question mark.
it was the best dream
i ever had.

end
three letters
three daggers
Stick in my hearth

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my brain and fall dead for 12 hours, when I'd wake up I wouldn't remember.