your back aches because you carry the world on your shoulders

your face rubbed black with the make up you forgot was there

your nails chipped as you grasped your horrors in your bare hands

your throat tight with the words held back for fear of rejection

your heart rate fluctuating as you struggle to remain constant

your ears echoing with the words of past demons trying to resurface

your eyes dim, but not dark, for the world has not broken you yet

i feel like a balloon filled to the brim with helium, bursting at the sides with happiness and beating against the ceiling in an attempt to ride the high. better tie me down before i decide that this is how i want to be always.
watch me float away; leaving you and everyone else to your scarcely filled hearts.

your lungs are struggling for air as you try to remind them to breathe
your heart is beating so fast you think it might rip right out of your chest
your throat is tightening as though there is a noose wrapped around your neck
your palms are sweaty and your head is buzzing as you struggle to keep your cool
you become so conscious of your movements that you can feel the hairs on the back of your neck prickling in discomfort
you begin to shake uncontrollably and you are convinced that you're about to ricochet around the room
you are so aware of everything that is going on that you cant enjoy it and you cant ******* breathe
you end up getting so worked up about it you can't think straight, let alone control the redness taking up permanent residence in your cheeks

somewhere along the line you let go and your heart rate slows, you enunciate your words and you don't miss a beat. you may become conscious of this, and you may not. either way you've done it. either way you've regained control and nothing or no one can stand in your way

the moment you asked me to change, i knew that i couldn't.
i can't change the way i fiddle with my hair constantly or the way i bite the inside of my lip when i'm concentrating. i can't change the way i speak far too much and also too little. i can't change the way my clothes cling to the parts of my body that they shouldn't. i can't change the way i over analyse everything or the way i laugh. i can't change the way i fall for people who spin a tale with adjectives and a happily ever after. i can't change the way i'm constantly nervous and jumpy and always wondering whether you notice me. i can't change the way i read other people's words like they're going out of style. i can't change the way i have too many questions and not nearly enough answers. i can't change the way i don't sleep because i'm too busy pondering the great workings of the universe.
i can't change me any more than i can change the direction of gale force winds simply by blowing into the air. i can't change the way i loved you and i can't change the way that all of that wasn't enough.