Are you okay?
Are you feeling alright?
What is wrong?
Why don't you talk to me anymore?
You changed
Are you better now?

Yes I'm okay
I want to die still but I'm okay.
My head is wrong I'm wrong the scale is wrong the mirror is wrong.
I get anxiety when I talk to people now,
It's not just you.
I changed because my head tried to **** me.
I am so much better.
I'm good.
I just want to cut tonight
I just want to die tonight
I just want to puke tonight
But I can't
Cause I promised my parents I wouldn't.
I want to self destruct.
"Try coping skills"
Coloring a picture is not getting rid of my head.
I can't deal with you. My head is my head and you don't understand it. No one does. Im a screwup.
I'm so sorry. Okay.
I am broken.
Okay I'm sorry
I need to grow up but I can't and I want to die
I don't want to try and grow up.
Mom I'm tired so tired and I need a break.
I need to breathe.
Death isn't beautiful, but neither is living.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I have to keep trying
Keep living.
This is really hard.

have you ever felt
empty
have you ever felt
shattered
have you ever felt
wrong
9 days ago
I broke
9 days ago I decided that I wasn't worth it
I was shattered and empty and wrong
I woke up that day
I faked it so well
Laughed at work
Dressed up for a wedding
Then I sat in my hollow car
My thoughts echoing from window to window
I just needed to escape
my head
my car
my life
I couldn't fake it anymore
Antifreeze and sleeping pills
then it gets blurry
Hospital for a week
I don't want to say I attempted
because I failed
I am trying to be grateful for this second chance.
Waking up everyday
choosing to live
choosing to fight
Attempting was the most selfish
thing I have ever done
It wasn't for attention
I wanted to slip away
disappear
escape
fade
I am getting better
I am finding reasons to live
realizing that I am not nothing
I think life is worth it
It's going to get better

Attempt:
An act of trying to achieve something.
A week ago today, I attempted
I attempted to leave
To breathe.
I got slammed in a mental hospital
The first day felt like a year
But then your life drifts away
Day by day
They blend.
Those places drive you to insanity.
I am lucky to be alive.
I have dealt with so many tears and worries and nerves in the past 24 hours.
My brother got a tat of my name on his arm.
My 12 year old cousin cried while she hugged me for 10 minutes.
My dad broke down.
“Baby I just can't lose you”
“We are just so scared”
“Don't ever do that to me again”
I matter to alot of people and I just am starting to figure that out.
I need to learn how to matter to myself
I am attempting to get better
I have hope that I can do it
Achieve:
A thing done successfully, typically by effort, courage, or skill.

She never really thought she would do it.
She never really thought she would be sitting here with a bottle of antifreeze in one hand and sleeping pills in the other.
Shaking
Debating
Panicking
She got to this point
Destroying herself
Suffering in silence
Hiding her mind
Hiding the cuts on her arms
She feels so selfish but she can't care
She has always destroyed herself
But now shes destroying others too
She hates herself
Anxiety
Note
Death
Tells people
Don't worry worry don't don't worry okay don't I'm fine fine fine okay I'm good
If this doesn't work
Life
Disappoint
Hell
****
But if it does
Done
Disappear
Alone
Empty
She doesn't know what is going to happen
She has now been sitting here for 2 hours
On this mountain
All alone
Phone off
Her mind is killing her
Chug
Gulp
Water
It's done
Now she just has to wait 3 hours
Anxiety attack attack anxiety who will find me it's going to hurt
Acute kidney failure
How she's dying.
She is crying
Crying
Vibrating
Questioning
Turns on phone
Phone on
Call someone
Someone anyone anyone
She wants to die
But her family will hate her
Her family will be heartbroken
10 texts
4 missed calls
Wait crying bawling
Her asking
Why can't I just disappear?
Why can't I slip away with no one knowing?
Why do I exist?
Why do I hurt everyone?
I wasn't thinking think
I was freaking freak
Call
Someone
Now
No
No
No
No.
She whispers to herself
"I just can't do it anymore"
Wipes away a tear
Reclines her seat in her car
And falls
Asleep.

Eyes open
Feet on the floor
Stop to look in the mirror
Step on the scale
Cringe
Brush teeth
Avoid eye contact with
Ugly/*****/worthless/sad/girl
Close the door behind you
T shirt + leggings + converse
Eyes watering
Breakfast//no breakfast//fat//skip it
Keys
Open door
Turn on ignition
And drive away.

This is just getting out the door in the morning. It's getting harder everyday.

I can't do life right now.
I can't live right now
I am surrounded by my thoughts
They have out swords
My mind's not backing down
It's stronger than me
No Mercy
I tried running
I tried hiding
I can't hide anymore
It's holding me captive
My life on the line.
I just need to get lost
Please lose me
And once I'm lost
Don't bother finding me.
I don't want to be found.

What are we doing here
Piled high with things we are supposed to do.
Places to go dishes to wash floors to vacuum lawns to mow boys to kiss girls to *****
Why the hell does any of this matter
We are driving in the dark with no headlights.
Why do we do any of the things we do
We follow society blindly
People ask me why I'm insane.
I'm asking them the same thing
I don't get it
We get put in mental hospitals because our insanity isn't "normal" enough
We aren't following "normal" enough
So we get high
We become suicidal
Try to **** ourselves
We cut our skin
Cause we are so confused
We are so broken according to everyone
We are so ******* up
So numb
As to why we have to live this ******* way
Who the hell decided that this is life
I hate myself
I hate my head for thinking this deep.
Try turning on your headlights
Maybe you will understand
We aren't even insane at all.
You are.