I never thought I would be the girl who sits all alone in her car at lunch.
I never thought I would be the girl who lies about things deeper than highschool.
I never thought I would be the girl who wants to leave this world.
Permanently.
I never wanted to be that girl.
But here I am.
I'm that girl.
Maybe it was my choice..
Maybe I chose this.
I really don't know
But it happened and life does that sometimes.
It just seems to happen in the worst ways and we are just expected to deal.
Well thats life I guess.

Pictures are just moments
Moments bring back memories
Memories bring back feelings
Feelings bring back people
People are this life.
So next time you look at a picture try to look for the layers.
Cause they are there.
You just have to look.

I had a dream
I was in an empty room
Staring at a girl
I started to think about this girls  l i f e.
I started to wonder if she was  h a p p y.
I started to ask myself why she was
there.
In this pointless room.
Doing so much of  
e v e r y t h i n g  
but practically
n o t h i n g.
I don't know how to explain it.
I knew most the answers because I'm the girl standing in the pointless room.
But I wonder why I didn't know all the answers.
I'm that girl.
I should know.
But I don't.

I'm overwhelmed
With the sky and the trees and my house and my family.
But on top of all that I'm overwhelmed inside myself.
I don't know if you can grasp that.
Its similar to having a blender going on in your head all the time.
I can't think straight.
I can't eat.
I can't sleep.
My mom thinks I'm sick.
I'm actually just overwhelmed.

I can't please you.
No matter what I say you are going to be mad at me.
You are going to be mad at everything.
I know I'm not good enough for you.
I know that I don't say that right things.
I know you get sick of me.
I am sick of myself.
Throw me away then.
Why are you trying.
Why don't you give up.
I want you to give up.
Can't you see that?
I don't want you to care.
Okay?
You can't make me do anything.
It's my choice.
Everything is.

Drowning.
I am drowning
I am drowning in my thoughts
I am drowning in my body
I am drowning in school
I am drowning in stress
I am drowning in darkness
I want to drown
but not in these ways.
I want to drown in water.
I want to inhale the liquid
And exhale nothing.
I want to drown.

I think love is made up.
I think that people pretend to love each other until eventually they believe they do.
So technically you can choose who to love.
As long as they are willing to try and love you back.
But I have never been in love.
So I guess I wouldn't know.