we were each other's sunlight
shining brightly upon each other
as we give each other
a touch of earthly warmth

we were two celestial bodies
bound together by each other's gravity
revolving about a mutual coordinate
moving in universal synchrony

but it looks like all our hydrogen
has ran out and we collapsed
into a white dwarf—dim light
no life, no soul, cold to the touch

we are running out of light
and you gave up on emitting yours
yet i force myself to keep on shining
like i'm milking stone, it's hopeless

I want to be spring
I want to be soft buds on tree branches, the low murmur of melting snow, the fresh blue of newly clear skies
I want to be soft, brisk wind whipping across forests and plains, animals moving as one from darkness to the world again, pollen in the air
but I'm not
I'm winter
cold, unforgiving, ice and metal and skin, the heavy blanketing of deaf snow over miles of the world
frozen branches snapping in silent nights and the retreat of all living things deeper into their homes
winter with it's dangers, it's unknown, a set of footprints in the snow leading deep into the woods and never coming out
I want to be warm and soft and new, alive again every year
but I'm not

He wants to read my poems,
he wants to see what
I have written about him.
I wonder why I am so scared
for him to see my thoughts
laid bare with no filters.
Maybe because I still have that fear
that he will run away
once he realizes how real this is.

"I love you,"

I said.

He replied,

"Good night."

That night

I knew

what love was for me

was a dream to him

you don't deserve a word
not even a poem
how does it feel
when you lost the people
you confessed you "love"

how did it feel
when your own medicine
ran through your throat?
how does it feel
to steal so much time
from someone who treasured it?
holding it close to her chest
against her rib cage

how does it feel
to steal something you don't own
from a family you "care" for

and how does it feel?
to see someone who loves me
better than you do
because you thought
no one could ever love me like you