Emma Haze

Emma Haze Sep 2017

Ive always been drawn towards the idea if love; I'm a hopeless romantic to the core. It goes without saying thats caused me an indescribable, unconventional vast amount of pain.
Girls can be mean. Girls hurt girls.
The chances of me ever completely emotionally healing is as slim as the chance my nasal system has to recover from what i use to replace affection.

Im human, I'm an animal, a mammal, a reproductive being, its a biological addiction. I cant sleep at night when the bed is cold, i cant breath with ease when the air is sharp and lonely, i cant eat a meal if i don't have a reason other than hunger, how could I possibly?

How could i resist the warmth of soft, smooth skin, running my brittle hands gently from her neck to her hips, the taste of her lips- how they seem desperately wanting me, the sharp inhales that draw me in, the moans of "i don't think i love you but i love how you make me feel", the flesh, how your teeth grip my lips, when you gently hold my hand constantly, the way you hold me.

Im broke; emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually, yet no matter what i do i cant resist the desire to get myself hurt again- the risk of letting myself love. Im addicted to the risk.

Id really appreciate any criticism you inevitably will have, and i hope you enjoyed or took something out of this <3

#love #gay #broken #emotionally #hopeless #romantic #romance #girls

Emma Haze May 2017

Once so nourished

A slight glance in my direction
It leaves me feeling empty
A light tap on the keys of the piano
They leave me feeling empty
A blind cat
She leaves me feeling empty
A mind so full of thoughts
And yet im feeling empty.

#empty #hopeless #sad #overwhelmed #thoughts

Emma Haze May 2017

Mom,

I feebly linger around different wards;
cardiac care,
   Then endocrinology,
        Psychology and counselling-
Maternity; I stop. Finally feeling less like an  extra on the set of a dreary movie and suddenly i feel present.

I know this hospital like the back of my hand but never had i truly acknowledged how much brighter it was on this side of the hospita- Too bright; i cant concentrate.

Everything seems otherworldly ; the sun casts a brightness over the ward making the harsh fluorescent lights less noticeable , the rain trickling on the tin-like roof, the sound of newborns crying desperately as they are forcefully removed from the comfort of their mothers' womb.

Without noticing i find myself standing by a young mothers hospital bed, probably no older than 19, her wavy hair drenched in sweat and her face flushed but peaceful. She holds her baby so close her iv must be on the verge of falling out but she is so overwhelming calm.

Tears sting my face. Only now the warm tears reminded how cold my skin was. She looks up, looking confused. "Promise me-t-that-you'll love your ch-child no matter what mistake-mistakes they make?"

#hospital #maternal #mom #mistakes

Emma Haze May 2017

Disappointment

I want to feel like I've melted.
Not in the way that boils your bones or dissolves your tendons or that makes you ***** up your own organs as your skin bubbles, slowly disappearing while fat seeps upwards until what once looked like a body now looks like stiff, rigid crime scene photos,
No--Not in that way.

Imagine you are floating in a stream, the currents of the crisp cold water running gently over your body and your fingertips brushing through the overgrown grass. You continue floating, close your eyes and time slips away. The currents continue washing over your body, making you finally feel clean again. Finally.

You open your eyes to find yourself still floating only now when you spread your fingers, they do not brush through the grass, they just cause ripples through the water, because now you are floating in vast amount of water and even if your fingertips could somehow reach miles away they would still are completely surrounded by water.

I knew you could make melt, but i hoped you wouldn't melt me the way you did.

#disappointment #melting #relationships #regret

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