i love you like i was born to do so
you break my heart like you were born to do so.

i know relationships
are meant to be up and down
(up more than down)
but why do i feel like
the world is ending
every time we come to a dip?

i suppose this time it feels
extra rotten
only because
i miss you so **** much
so much so, that i pulled away
because i didn't know what else to do
and i know that doesn't make sense
i suppose it was just my version of
avoiding the problem

warmth.
a fire that needs kindling.
it’s dying out,
we’ve lost the tinder stick.
so i blow.
i fill up my lungs until they hurt:
inhale;
exhale;
my head spins and there is no air.
i do it again,
i don’t save any for myself.
i am dizzy.
the ash is swirling
up in the air.
inhale.
exhale.
my chest is going to burst.
the ash is settling on my skin,
tattooing the harsh reminder
of how much i give.
inhale.
exhale.
i can no longer see.
inhale. exhale.
i have done all that i can,
all that remains is my soul.
my heart has abandoned me,
my lungs have died.
my mind is on the outs with me,
she says i shouldn’t even try.
do i throw it into the embers, too?
perhaps that’s all it needs to stay alight forever,
but i am too tired now.
i never listen.

i just want to see
if he texted me back.
no, no,
i don’t really care,
it’s just that
when i talk to him, it feels as though my words are finally worth something.
it’s not like i cannot go by my day without his acquaintance,
i am a writer after all,
and i am accustomed to a life where my words are disregarded.
i speak to the wind and that is okay.
but i am a writer and all i want is
for somebody to listen to my ramblings
and to understand
me.
i just want to see
if he said hello;
because yes i can get by with him not texting me back,
my rants do not always have a response
(discontinued)

I have a string of gold
It’s wrapped around me
Like a gentle whispers
Gliding upwards softly
Gold is malleable

these three words
they’re heavy for me to say
so let me show you instead
let me show you in the way i
hold your words close to my heart
i gather so many of them
scoop them into my arms to hug them tight
i love every word
they begin to overflow
drip
trail behind me ablaze
they are bright and they are yours
they warm my heart
let me show you in the way i
speak to you
pile of words aside
my three words are hard to say
not because they aren’t true
i can show you what I mean
when i understand your wants
amongst your needs