For almost years, was in deep sorrow
with life's trials every other day.
I cried and cried till I found my back.
From work to my room and
again back to work was my routine.
Couldn't come out of depression
Thinking it would be the end.
Sufferings never ended
Depression & anxiety never left me
They are still there..
What ended was my perception!

A perception of new life-
To live as if it's my last
Rather than dying every other day!

The opposite of love, is indifference.
Not anger, aversion, or hate.
Accompanied by avoidant-detachment,
And a silence that never abates.

It can disguise itself in diffidence;
Depressed by misery, for score.
Sheltering who practice its persuasion,
But leaving its victim longing for more.

It looks like a promise that’s broken,
It sounds like the melody of a lie.
It tastes like a cocktail & bitters;
It feels like a passion that died.

You can’t see the damage from the outside;
The wounds that scar from within.
Until they manifest as an addiction,
Or any overt kind of sin.

Love faces the toughest of battles;
Love outshines even the sun.
Indifference regards nothing higher;
And indifference will perpetually run.

I didn't sleep for three nights
For I could imagine what it will be like
To escape to the woods and hide
You see, it was 3 in the morning , an overnight journey by road.
While everyone was asleep in the bus, I was wide awake
The sight was silent and scary
I was looking at the night sky vary
Vary with pieces of land passing by
And each time I heaved with a sigh
I could see some constants
The moon and the stars and the beauty of the dark
I could see the emerging light reaching out to me from far behind the clouds
I waited for that one light streak
It clarified my doubts and illuminated the land I see
I wanted to fly and dance and see the light streak grow
Grow into lightening and thunderstorm where the stars were visible no more
I could see the moon dimming its glow
There, I realised that it was for the streaks to shine.
It taught me love and sacrifice
I could see the raindrops falling upon my window pane, slipping and changing directions and turning into beautiful patterns of nature.
A graffiti wall was all I could see
I touched it, felt it and yearned to embrace it.
Meanwhile my brain was joining all the dots with imaginary lines
Every part of me wanted to read the message it delivered.
I rested my head upon the window pane, and watched everything passing me by.
My eyes capturing every flashing moment, my brain making a picture necklace.
Now that's the movie I play on loop while letting it out.
With all the ecstatic songs I hum, I see myself on top of the world
I feel a breeze of positive vibes and my hair sway in pride.
I look up at the stars and smile wide
They twinkle with the same rhythm as my heart beat and the only reason why I love long drives
I could see myself blending in with the Universe and felt how it loved me like a daughter.
Everything was beautiful like grey and mauve in water.


- SWASTI JAIN