Seems like yesterday
I emailed every pastor online
Hoping they’d get through to the most Divine
Cuz my heart was far astray
And when I got that call I blamed God
For allowing you to be taken away
Am I selfish for wanting you here?
Knowing you were part of a perfect plan
My ears weren’t allowed to hear
But still, this really cuts deep
And still it really cuts deep
1, 2, it is now Year 3
Trying to walk down this righteous path
Something you always did
Now my heart feels like it's on life support
every pump needed to live
Anger in my fist
This rage I can’t control
These tears I can’t keep wiping
Somebody fill this hole
And for a while I tried to get everything to do God’s job
My heart said enough as more pieces of it got robbed
Never quite drunk enough
The next day still feel pain
These fist turned to the wall
Still nothing I could gain
Go to sleep crying
wake up with all these tears
Yelling up to the Heavens
God, are you even here?
But see Pops you were different than that
Even through your death you still knew God had your back
A brave man to put up with us
Having so little
But still giving so much
And I think Satan likes to take me on a ride
To remember all the bad memories I’ve tried to push aside
I’ve put on so much shame
Like maybe I wasn’t a good daughter
My heart he tries to capture
And my mind he tries to slaughter
Some days he gets through
This fight I can’t always win
These scars won’t fully mend
Wondering if this pain will EVER end
To be honest the hard part hasn’t even began
Anticipating the wedding
Birth of my first child
They say I’ll see you again someday
But I want you here right now
They can throw those words out the window
I don’t care to hear
My mind’s just trying to figure out how to get passed another year.