this isn’t going to make sense
cause it’s not supposed to
and if I’m being honest
this isn’t for you
it’s not even for me

I’m stuck
I’m trapped
I’m lost
I’m every other word that describes people who feel at a dead end

I’m typing on a ****** phone
That’s connected to a ****** connection
That could possibly be a metaphor for my life

I’m writing
Because I don’t know what else to do

I’m writing
Cause that’s what they told me to do

But they also told me that what I think isn’t always true
That I’m special and I just don’t see it

But that’s the thing
I don’t see it

And if I don’t see it then why should it matter if anyone else does

And if I’m thinking something why should it matter if it’s true

What matters is that it’s in my head
What matters is that it’s always there

But here I am
Stuck in the same place
Back to square one
No progress made
The same questions, whether true or not

Will I amount to anything?
Do I really help?
Am I really worthwhile?
Do you actually care?

I see these people
When I’m online
They smile and post
They edit and pose

I can’t help but wonder

Do you really smile, or do you just do it to look happy like me?
Do you really feel happy, or are you trying to lie like me?
Do you understand what I feel?

Or is it just me?

I’m not trying to be selfish
I don’t want a lot
I just want to be happy
And I want others to be happy with me
But neither is happening

So instead there’s a poem
That doesn’t even ryhme
That makes no sense
  I’ll try harder

She's the only one I want,
But she can't see me,
I tell her how I feel,
But she can't hear me,
I know she means no wrong,
But heavy is my heart,
Knowing that through time,
We'll forever be apart,
I try to move on,
But she's the only one I see,
I only wish that one day,
With her I could be,
I'd give her all my love,
'Cause she means the world to me,
But to her I'm invisible,
And that's all I'll ever be.

She doesn’t know I’m here,
She doesn’t know of my existence,
I’m never seen with her,
Yet she’s inside my heart with persistence,
Her beauty, it torments me,
She is everything that I want and more,
But she is still blind to me,
Yet still her vision makes my heart soar,
I wish for this love to end,
Because seeing her fills my heart with pain,
Wanting this all to end,
Wiping my tears that fall like rain,
Now I’m standing atop this ledge,
Wondering if she’d know if I fall,
But I doubt that she ever would,
Because she doesn’t see me at all.

I love him
I tell myself
I know that
We will be together forever
I don’t believe that
We could be separated
My thoughts tell me that
He’s the love of my life
Sometimes my heart lies and says
I could live an eternity
Without him
Like my friends say
“We’re perfect for each other”
And you can’t tell me
He’s not the one.

Now read from bottom to top.

She was beautiful as the sunset

But her soul was darker than the night

She was so easy to smile
But her smile was full of deceit

I thought she was a friend from when I first saw her,

She was charming and sweet and very beautiful,

Soon we became close and I would say even inseparable,

But in beneath the beauty, she was just a facade,

Like an illusion she was hypnotic,

Her mannerism was full of elegance,

Deep down she was an earth filled with secrets,

Her only flaw, she was a beautiful liar,

And my only flaw was I believed her,

I thought our friendship was a garden of dandelions,

Dreamy and aloof from the world,

Later i realised it was just a garden with weeds that were toxic,

With every secret I shared, I thought I was watering a beautiful garden,

But then later, she would come to prune and plant seeds of deceit,

Everytime I let her into my soul, everytime she would intoxicate me with lies,

I thought we would be forever, the kind of friendship to pass onto generations to come,

This was until I found out she had been feeding me lies and lies,

Everything about her was based on a lie,

From her gentle smile to her graceful walks,

From her fake loyalty to her easy charm,

She indeed was beautiful to the eye,

But all that beauty was nothing because her heart was full of illusion

I bet herself, she believed in her lies that she carried them around with such ease,

She was a beautiful liar and I once believed her,

I once was hypnotised by her, but now I know better,

The beautiful girl was just but a beautiful liar