IF I WAS A BUTTERFLY
YOU WOULD BE THE ONE
THAT HOLDS ME BY MY WINGS
AND DROPS ME TO THE GROUND
JUST TO SEE ME SUFFER
AND YOU'D CRACK A SMIRK
BECAUSE YOU HELD POWER
OVER AN INNOCENT
AND QUITE FRANKLY
IN THE HUMAN FORM
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO
YOU PICK ME UP
YOU DROP ME
AND WATCH ME BREAK
AND YOU SMIRK
BECAUSE THAT POWER
TURNS YOU ON
MORE THAN I EVER COULD

you are a broken mess of shattered bones
each limb attached to a million little anchors
a gradual decline inevitable
but baby, i will sink to the very bottom with you
i will hold my breath until my lungs collapse and fill with the sickly salt water that surrounds us
i will stay there for as long as you need me to
and when you find the strength to free yourself
i will rise to the top with you
and we will rediscover what the sun feels like on our skin
and what the air feels like in our lungs

i am a hopeless disaster
of bones that run hollow
and blood that runs tar
but you,
baby you're a constellation
a firework exploding with
infinite galaxies
palms lined with gold

let me rain a little
on that parade of yours

i will go to hell and back
to prove that day 44
has been harder than day 1
and maybe i don't feel as much
but that's because everything good inside of me
has been replaced with numb

i want to tangle my fingers
in your hair
and my legs
with your legs
and my lips
with your lips
breathing,
   slowly,
      softly.

i want to kiss
your temple
your jawline
and just beneath your ear
your lips suppressing
the most tempting sound
breathing,
   slowly,
      softly.

i want to watch
your chest
inhale
exhale
and your eyelashes flutter
while you sleep
breathing,
   slowly,
      softly.

i want to wake up
with a heavy weight
on my chest
your head
resting delicately
on my stomach
breathing,
   slowly,
      softly.

i don’t want to see you
gently wake
fists brushing your eyes
hands running
through your hair
eyes eyeing the door
breathing,
   increasingly
       faster.

i don’t want to watch you
as you lightly hold
that golden handle
the way
you cup my face
in your hands
breathing,
   increasingly
       faster.

i don’t want to breathe
as you open the door
head moving
wanting to look back
but flicking forward
gone
breathing,
   increasingly
       faster.

i want to scream
shout
cry out your name
hurt you
for leaving
for existing
breathing,
   increasingly
       faster.

i don’t want to watch
my fingers trembling
my lips
moulding to form your name
my mind
whispering

you,
you,
you.

always
you.

never escaping
you.

breathing,
   increasingly
      faster.

i required permanence
in the form of your heartbeat
echoing in my chest
and you required transience
in the form of lips colliding
and skin touching

i used to be yours

i look at you
and my mind rehearses

lines of poetry,
words that define
the creases around your eyes
and the way
the deep brown haze
glimmers like a million stars,

sentences that describe
the way
your smile taunts
even the saddest of minds
into recreating that
perfect half moon,

emotive imagery
that instills
every heart in the universe
with the feelings
that you
cause mine

but no words
can summarise
the details of you
because you are
complex
and eternally endless.

the back of my hand
is so unfamiliar
compared to the
brown
of your eyes,
the stray hairs
on your chest,
the pace
of your breathing,
so unfamiliar
compared to
*you.

i spend most of my time crying and listening to the same ******* front porch step song and it's ironic because the song is called drown and that's exactly what i want to do and i can't tell if i want to drown in an ocean or drown in you but i guess they both come with the exact same feeling because i am suffocating either way

i hope you find me
on the tongue
of every girl you kiss,
at the bottom of
your cup of tea,
in the sand
that lines the backseat of your car,
in the moments
after 11pm,
in everything
that belonged to you and me.