I'm finally free from your torture
Released from your emotional roller coaster
Your emotional chains that restrained me
Yet you had no idea you had done it
You don't know what it was like...

Every second was an ache
Every breath I had was for you
Every piece of me needed you
I survived off of the idea of you
Yet you were nowhere within miles
Every song on the radio teased me
I always thought you may be thinking of me
You don't know what it was like...

Literally every fiber in my being called your name
Every street sign, every dream..
It was unbearable. It was unfathomable.

All I wanted was to escape but I didn't know how
All I wanted was you, but I didn't really want you
I just wanted you to love me
The way you promised you would
The way I imagined it could be
The way I had always read about as a little girl
The way they showed me it should be in the movies
The way you swore it could be...

And even though I forgave you, I still craved you
In this way...
For the longest time
What felt like years in your restraints
I wasted so much time wrapped up in you.
You were impossible to get over

But I can't explain just how good it feels to have my mind back
To feel my soul again
With the freedom to love
How great it feels to own my life back!

She is harsh
And the world feels her wrath
When she speaks, she speaks at you
Never a conversation you want to have

Her opinions are one sided,
Her directness is bitter
Many cower underneath her fury
While I desire to stand beside her

I desire to join in force with her
Because of her willingness to fight
And although she may seem overbearing at times
She always does what she believes is right

Which is a quality I, myself possess
In which I have been criticized for having before
But she and I, we have this same trait
That gives us purpose in what we're working for

You can tell me that she's the toughest boss
And that I should stay far and clear away
Tell me stories about how she's sent you home
In tears at the end of your work day...

While you may prefer a more compassionate boss
Id rather work under someone who pushes me
Someone who gives me more than I can handle
Which will challenge my limits and strengthen my ability.

Your silence had me running
Fearing I may find an abandoned apartment when I reached your address.
Flashing images of our nights in your kitchen,
Our passionate moments on your counters and against your furnishings,
Our bare feet caressing each other,
Our ideas floating through the air,
Your hands holding me so tight,
The way you love to make me laugh and play your little games with my mind like children,
Your playful touch across my skin,
Your eyes as you watch me gaze off into that place that I often visit in my mind. But I still see you....
I was afraid to find you gone

I reached your doorstep
My hair drenched from the rain
My breath heavy
My nose wet and cold,
Hands shaking, finding the most difficulty knocking on your door
Which sounded more like pounding...
Hardly moments went by and you opened.
I leaped into your arms and wept
You stood there, warm as I had ever felt,
Stronger than I ever realized I admired so much
You asked about my troubles and I could not speak...
I had so much courage to run here and beg you to stay,
Convince you that I need you with me,
I thought of scenarios to try and make you believe that leaving would be the worst mistake...
But now that I face you, I am weak. I am voiceless.
I crave to never let you go and tell you how much I want you here, but I can't.
I know that you leaving means a better life for yourself
And that holding you back would be the most selfish act,
And that you would never forgive me for it.
But most of all, I fear that if I confessed all of my troubled mind to you- you would still decide to leave. And in facing that, I may just come apart and never recover.

It felt like midnight
Running with the wind
Across the hills
Chasing the stars
Catching our breath
Listening to the crickets
Dancing in the river
..It felt like this

It felt like freedom
Beholding a recurring dream
Finally grasping what you've always longed for
Squinting your eyes in disbelief
Delicate tear drops of joy
The adrenaline of glory
..It felt like this

You felt like home
Like unlocking the front door of peace
The familiar and most relaxing feeling of laying your head down on your cool pillow
The safety of your life behind those walls
The carpet caressing your clean and damp bare feet
Fresh coffee brewing before you open your eyes
The morning sun through your window into your bedroom as an alarm
..You felt like this

I open my eyes, for what I anticipated to be a brief moment
But I find myself standing in the middle of a puddle
About 5 inches deep and I'm bare foot
How did I get here?

I don't know who's clothes I'm wearing
I don't recognize the street in which I'm standing
Not a soul in sight.
Stranded in the middle of a big city
And it's some time between 10 and 3 o'clock
All I know is that it's dark and these street lights light up a way

I could take this path that's lit for me ahead
But I don't know where it leads
Maybe if I close my eyes I'll go back to where I came from
Where do I belong?

I want to be one with you.
Like a flower rising each day
Extending its leafy arms to the universe
Chin aimed high, hair flowing with the breeze,
And when you pick me I wish to remain in your hands until you take your last breath.
Pick me and I will thrive within your palms
I will not shrivel like the rest.
My roots will find a way into your heart
And there I will find peace.
I will find goodness and wholesomeness,
And you should see me every day and smile.
I will bring you hope.
I will bring you happiness.
I can imagine that this is what it would feel like to be one with you.