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596 · Jun 2016
Biscuits
Chameleon Jun 2016
It's nice to romanticize someone who took part in my life for a little while,
but its better to have someone to come home to after working all night and share my sausage egg biscuit with,
smoke a bowl and go to sleep.
579 · Apr 2016
So I hung my head and cried
Chameleon Apr 2016
I didn't even know I had this version of this song, on Spotify.
The best version of My Sunshine.

It unexpectedly started to play,
just as I began to think of you.

Ya know, I would've kissed you so many more times if I had known that there would be a last.

You and I have become a fairy tale,
a dream,
a parallel universe.
An invisible amount of time.

God, I really did love you.
If you thought of me now and then that would be a dream come true.
569 · Dec 2018
Old pals
Chameleon Dec 2018
There she is.
My old pal sadness, it's been awhile since her last visit.
She must have gone to see the ocean or the Grand Canyon, but, she always comes back. She never really leaves my side because nothing gold can stay.
568 · Oct 2015
you are
Chameleon Oct 2015
You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear,
how much I love you.
Please don't take
my sunshine away.
564 · Sep 2016
Ask me
Chameleon Sep 2016
Sometimes I don't know if it's because I'm from the mid-west where everyone gets married and has babies before 21,
or if it's because I've always been a hopeless romantic;
but I want true out of this world love.
I want someone to want to marry me.
I'm neutral on kids right now though.
I need someone that falls in love with me every day, over and over.
Marriage to me, means finally finding that person that completes you.
Truly.
Like, finding the missing piece that was taken when you were born, and placed into this other person.
You're soul mate.
I take it very seriously. And that's why I don't think I'll ever even be asked.
561 · Nov 22
Cigarettes
Chameleon Nov 22
He asks me to buy him
cigarettes and drop them
off in the morning
before work,
so he can kiss me
before the day starts.
558 · Aug 2018
What if
Chameleon Aug 2018
What if I just pretend none of this is happening.
I'll pretend that Dylan is just out in the living room playing video games.
That Sophie is staying in my bed.
And my bed doesn't have to move.
I never met Dan and he never lied to me so I can't be hurt.
Everything is normal.
The way it used to be.
It's easy and simple and nice and safe.
I'm not alone.
What if no one can hurt me.
556 · Sep 2016
Last hazy days
Chameleon Sep 2016
I got into my 2001 Ford explorer
and lit a cigarette.
I fumbled with the radio and let the Kacey Musgraves CD play.
I didn't know where I was going, besides Starbucks.
I was feeling really anxious and kind of upset after looking in the mirror.
And sometimes all you need is your favorite treat and a cruise.
Ever since I got my first car, I have loved driving; it's always come very naturally.
And there's something about going nowhere that really calms my mind.

People created the motor vehicle because we all want to be able to escape.
Even if we never do...
We can.
553 · Nov 2016
Overwhelmed
Chameleon Nov 2016
It would be great if someone just knocked me out for a couple days and came in
and took care of the problems at my house.
While also, taking me to various doctors for my teeth, and my feet.
And fix my hair, get a cut.
Put some moisture back into my skin.
Buy Christmas presents for everyone in my family.
Pay some debts off.

And I could just wake up and go,
"Oh, swell. Everything is perfectly fine."

But. That's just the stuff I dream about.
537 · Sep 2018
Who knows
Chameleon Sep 2018
I'm becoming okay with not knowing what to do or how I feel.
I'm single at 23 with no kids so what else have I got to do except see what happens.
That's exciting but also frustrating for someone like me who likes to have a plan.
My life now is nothing like I thought it would be a year ago, so how can I think I have any control over the future.
I think this will be one of the toughest years of my life because it's one big transition after another.
I'm trying to learn as much as I can while not letting my heart make too many of the decisions.
I truly have no idea what my life will be even in a few months but I'm getting used to the unpredictable.
537 · Apr 2016
History
Chameleon Apr 2016
I know that it's April.
Months away from the anniversary.
But I just got done watching an episode of I survived, that focused on those that made it on 9/11.
My heart breaks more and more for all of those people, and for the country I love so much.
But it goes to show how strong the human spirit is, that people actually lived to tell their stories.
I hope to visit New York one day just to stand where all of those braves souls stood, who risked their lives for those of others.
It's powerful. And humbling.
I was just six years old on that day, but I remember the fear I felt all the way in Ohio.
We were released from school early after the principal came in to tell our teacher.
Crying; she said that something terrible has happened and we need to be with our families.
On the bus ride home, my sister and I didn't speak while other kids chatted away like nothing had happened.
When we got home, I saw my older step sister crying, and screaming on the phone in front of the TV.
I couldn't comprehend what I was seeing because I was too young to understand.
But I was terrified.
What seemed like awhile later,
we were playing in the back yard, when the loudest noise I'd ever heard blasted through the sky.
My mom ran outside and yelled for us to come in, we were being bombed.
We went down to the basement,
and waited.
After about ten minutes of silence, my mom went upstairs, soon saying it was okay to come out.
Later we learned the sound barrier had been broken
That day, the country became one, out of the fear, heartbreak and love for our fellow mankind,
and that is why I'll never forget.

America, land of the free, home of the truly brave. <3
530 · Feb 2016
Dirt bike
Chameleon Feb 2016
I wonder if you remember that
summer day at the race track,
which we had all to ourselves.
I was sitting on the hood of
my best friend's car,
and thought I was going to fall off when you walked towards me.
You had no idea how handsome you were just then.
Full riding gear,
your hair a mess from your helmet.
You plucked the cigarette from my hand and smiled at me,
you knew I didn't mind.
Maybe you were right though,
from the beginning.
Maybe if we hadn't gotten emotionally,
romantically involved things would still be like that day.
We were such good friends.
But I couldn't stop my heart from wanting more.
And I guess you couldn't either.
I still remember the first time you kissed me.
524 · Aug 2018
Cool girl
Chameleon Aug 2018
Being the cool girl is the same as being the nice guy.
It gets you nowhere.

There's a reason cool girls always show up somewhere alone.
Cool girls are mystifying and exciting to look at and talk to,
but guys really want the practical girl.
The one who has a vibrant social life, loves everything, and never ventures to find music outside of the radio.
The ones who are... unartistic.
If a guy ever says,
"You are the coolest chick he's ever met."
Just know that you have been exiled to the friend zone,
or at least the hook up zone.
524 · Jul 2016
Cruise
Chameleon Jul 2016
I decided to take a short drive before work, so I went towards the park.
I kept noticing this car speeding up behind me, and for some reason it made me feel anxious so I took a left turn.
Your house sits at the other end of the road, but I wasn't worried because you moved to Texas a month ago.

Then I saw two familiar cars parked out front, lights on inside, your good friend and my sister's fiance, headed towards the front door.
My heart clenched and my legs got weak, as if I had just been caught stealing.

Why are you there?

I know I'll never find out, and that curiosity will just eat away at me wondering if I should have come said good-bye.
512 · May 2016
Orchards
Chameleon May 2016
I'm having myself a beer tasting, well drinking party for one.

Angry orchards are good everyone.

I have three candles lit on my coffee table,
The Late Show plays in the background.

Wait, are those beers?

I have some smokes, and ****,
and I feel good on a Monday night.

I've got a buzz.
I had to rewrite this part three times.
Ha-ha.

I plan to keep it going.
510 · Jul 2021
I can’t stand it
Chameleon Jul 2021
Being in this room in the dark
can become so unbearable.
Thinking about you and missing you so much
it actually hurts is unbearable.
Wishing you missed me too and realizing
that I have gotten to the bottom of the ocean;
As low as you can go.
I still love you, always will.
It’s unbearable.
509 · Oct 2023
Do you
Chameleon Oct 2023
I don’t want to have to ask him
if he thinks I’m pretty.
I should just know it to be
true.
489 · Apr 2016
Toxic
Chameleon Apr 2016
You know,
you brought me down and you don't even care.

I realized today, that you are one of my triggers that sends me into depression.
You are the reason I eat to feel better.
The reason I stopped caring about my health.
Why can't you support me and my drive to work out and eat better and feel better.

I really don't care when I'll see you again.
I feel alive without you.
And that's what upsets me.
That you aren't my safety blanket.
You are my poison.
When did it get like this?
You even stress out my dog.

I'm almost at my breaking point.
I shouldn't feel like this right now when everything else is going so great.
I can't even talk to you about it.
You smoke all my **** and wreck my house.

Tomorrow will be better.
I'll look in the mirror and see that girl that was here the moment before you got into my car.
487 · Sep 2016
Chameleon
Chameleon Sep 2016
I'm sorry I don't know how to write about anything but love.
My soul just wants it so bad I can't breathe.
I think we were all created with one trait that sticks out more than others.
Adventurer, fighter, leader, artist, lover.

God I've loved so many people, yet no matter how hard I loved, they always walk right through me; as though I'm just a ghost, a pretty picture on the wall,
a chameleon.
480 · Jan 2019
Sunny
Chameleon Jan 2019
I like him so much
he makes long days spent snowed in feel like summer.
472 · Jul 2016
Rough draft
Chameleon Jul 2016
That time we spent together was influential for me.
He was like Halloween.
Fun and exciting, scary and weird.
He introduced me to things about myself that I didn't know.
I loved him for exposing a side of himself to me that most people never got to know.
To this day, I think he still loves me.
Purely.
I broke his heart after spending all night on the phone telling each other how much we meant to the other, I ran away in fear and there was an entire year that we didn't speak and I felt like I was going crazy.
I loved that boy.
The late nights, the alcohol, the ****, starlit drives, the bond we created.
I have never met someone who so honestly said how he felt.
469 · Sep 2015
Poem 1
Chameleon Sep 2015
Oh well hello there
old friend.
That familiar blank space,
asking to be filled with...
something.
It was time to start fresh again
anyways.
Writing as often as I do can
start to feel like being followed
down a dark alley with no exits.
The past becomes inescapable.
New job
New house
New people
New phone
New
New
New.
This time I vow to only write
when I catch that perfect breeze,
read a good poem,
kiss my boyfriend.
Keep it
R
  e
a
     llllll.
446 · Nov 2016
Little bits
Chameleon Nov 2016
I can't sleep.
It's 1:50 a.m and I'm laying bed listening to the faint sound of my boyfriend playing a video game, and my furnace blowing air into my room.

I have been online shopping all day, but not buying.
I've discovered The X-files and I'm obsessed.

I have to go back to work tomorrow, and I really don't want to.
Being home is way too sweet.
443 · Feb 2016
My twenties
Chameleon Feb 2016
If you have a pet,
you know that the bond
created between the two of you,
is a connection you never make with a person.
Total and complete trust.
When I clip her toe nails,
check her ears,
and give her a bath,
she knows I am taking care of her.
She leans against me and let's me do what I have to.
When I get home from work
she cheers as she emerges from her cage,
running and wiggling
straight for her bowl; ready for dinner.
She knows I will always come back.
When I'm sad, and crying.
Or so sick I can't leave the bathroom,
she comes around and lays her head in my lap,
and licks my hands and face.
I know she came into my life when I needed it most,
one of the most memorable times of my life.
443 · Aug 2016
To an old friend
Chameleon Aug 2016
There's something dangerous about listening to old love songs in the wee hours of the morning,
when you have nothing to do but remember.
These songs changed my life, and were there when I fell for him.
This odd, handsome, frightening guy that became a part of my life, so unexpectedly.
I'll never forget how nice he has been to me, and how he would stay up all night, drinking, and smoking and just being my companion when I needed one most.
I never meant to fall in love, either did he.
We never said it, it was just understood.
Whatever it was, was beautiful. And helpful.
I have never grown so much in just a few months.
442 · Sep 2018
Look for the good
Chameleon Sep 2018
I wish I could learn to be happy with what I have.
Even though I want something or someone I wish I could be happy with right now.
I have made some changes and done things in the last 4 months that I used to think I could never do.
My life is simple and restful.
I have a sweet little apartment, and a good job.
I live lazily through my days with no drama,
and I always have someone to hangout with.
I have a lot of good.
I might be too much of a romantic and think I won't be full until I have Love.
But that's just another good thing I have.
The chance, the opportunity and excitement of falling in love and having no idea when it will happen.
438 · Jan 2017
Adult
Chameleon Jan 2017
It's quite frightening how quickly
courage slips away.
One day you turn a corner and realize
that it isn't with you anymore.

How easy it is to forget how to
just breathe and brush off your worries.

When you wake up covered in responsibility, and priorities
instead of confetti and new clothes.

Parents always say you grew up before their eyes,
but haven't we grown up behind our's?
432 · Sep 2019
Fire
Chameleon Sep 2019
I ruined a good day.
My stupid brain caught on fire
and it burned down everything
around me.
430 · Apr 2016
Through the curtains
Chameleon Apr 2016
There's nothing like
the smell of a hazy spring evening in Ohio.

Watching the sun set into shades of sherbet ice-cream.

A lazy Sunday with perfect weather for open sun roof cruises.

Falling asleep feeling the soft, warm wind blowing through the curtains.
409 · Apr 2019
This is nice
Chameleon Apr 2019
We were sitting across from each other under a low dusty lampshade in a bar that had the TV on way too loud but it felt quiet with you.
Lately I just can’t believe how lucky I am to be with him. I am finally in love with someone who really loves me too, and I know it because he shows me every day. I have never been this happy
404 · Sep 2015
look
Chameleon Sep 2015
I wish I could see what
I look like to you.
What is beautiful about me?
What isn't.
I know what I look like for
thirty seconds in the mirror,
but when my reflection isn't
for me to see,
what does it look like.
404 · Feb 2016
Crazy
Chameleon Feb 2016
Sometimes you just need
to say ******* to the person who broke your heart.
Get mad, and dwell in it for a day or two.
Do some psychedelics and trip into another world.
Drink until you smile and are laughing and talking like a maniac.
Smoke so much **** you drive 30 mph everywhere.
Sometimes you need to get ****** up to see how not ****** up your life is.
And say ******* to anyone who says that isn't the way to solve your problems.
Clearly they've never needed to get out of their head.
Don't be afraid to go crazy.
399 · Dec 2015
Not even a mouse
Chameleon Dec 2015
There are two velvet ears
and a little snout sticking out
from the under covers.
She's hogging most of the bed.
I am sleepy from a glass of wine,
two joints, and three bowls,
and a full day that started at 8 am.
There is no snow on the ground
on December twenty fourth in Ohio;
and I'm loving it.
Christmas Eve two thousand fifteen.
A girl and her dog snuggled up in bed.
392 · Oct 2015
Alone
Chameleon Oct 2015
I don't hate my life,
but sometimes it feels pretty
worthless to say the least.
I'm 20, a pretty useless age.
Stuck between a teenager and
being able to drink.
I work about 45 hours a week,
pay my bills,
eat a lot of junk,
barely get enough sleep
and repeat.
I see my boyfriend for less than 24 hours
a week,
and I'm lucky to see anyone else.
Adults always tell me to enjoy this
time alone, because one day I'll
barely be able to find a minute.
But I don't think they meant this much.
Everyone needs a little conpany,
otherwise the walls start to speak.
390 · Oct 2016
I fucking hate you
Chameleon Oct 2016
I am such an angry person and it's all because of you.
I would leave you today, but I know it would break your heart.
I mean, who else could you find that does everything I ******* do?
And when I'm stressed and anxious you can't even give me five minutes to talk.
You never try to make me feel better.
*******.
*******.
I hate you so ******* much.
Keep sleeping on my ******* couch,
you definitely need your rest for a big day of doing NOTHING!!!
390 · Feb 2019
Happy for you
Chameleon Feb 2019
It’s just easier to say yeah I’m okay,
and then lay my head down on the couch at the end of the day.
What I’m feeling is selfish, it’s mostly about me.
Just wishing you would stick around and never ever leave.
So I’ve been quiet all day because I know I should be happy for you.
I’ve been quiet all day because I already miss you.
389 · Nov 2021
Leaves fall
Chameleon Nov 2021
Sometimes I miss you even when
you’re right here.
A nice breeze will carry leaves across
the pavement and I’ll want to grab
your hand but
you’re off somewhere else,
up there.
So instead I’ll just look around
at what we could be enjoying,
and instead of feeling full I’ll feel sad.
385 · Aug 2016
Patsy
Chameleon Aug 2016
I feel like Patsy Cline,
walking alone at midnight searching for her love.
Replaying the soundtrack of us over and over in my head.
Having too much fun taking showers together,
laughing our heads off on the couch.
Going for a drive and ending up in our spot overlooking the highway.
Early morning and late night trips to Tim Hortons, Waffle House and IHOP.
Listening to The Beatles, Daft Punk and Alt-J.
I wish I could remember the sound of your voice when you called me beautiful.
I wish I remembered what it felt like to be in your arms.
I wish I remembered your laugh.
However I do remember how proud, how elated, I was to be standing next to you.
You are sunlight and everything good in the world and everyone knew it.
I wish I knew if you missed me.
380 · Sep 2016
The kindest heart
Chameleon Sep 2016
My heart feels so full.
He said,
your thoughts about me carried me a long way. You helped more than you
know.
I can't describe how happy I am to know that I was able to help someone I love so much without even really knowing it.
My sweet Iowa.
I helped you, and you helped me.
it's what we do.
He is someone I will think about until my last day on earth and even after that.
Sorry it's not very good, or long. I'm just so happy that my mind is racing.
370 · Aug 14
Bathroom break
Chameleon Aug 14
Sometimes you just
have to go cry in the bathroom
and wonder why you’re
not enough
and
feel such an intense
pain that only a hug
and love from one person
who isn’t there would solve,
and then go back to work.
363 · Nov 2016
Dreamer
Chameleon Nov 2016
I would never say I'm happy that the world caught up to you.
That it slowed you down, made you double check.
But it's a relief.
To know that your life isn't all magic and adventure, drugs, revelations, and love.
Now, mine isn't either.
But I'm authentic, can you say that too?
Are you living the life you always wanted?
From here you look smaller, I look the same.
What are you going to do when all that luck runs out.
360 · Dec 2015
Becoming a writer
Chameleon Dec 2015
I have always looked to other
writers for inspiration.
In fact, that's how I learned to
tell a story.
I remember the first author
I became obsessed with was
Laura Ingalls Wilder.
I was 6, and my teacher told me there
was no way I could read her books
because they were too long,
and the words were too advanced
for my age.
She, was wrong.
Then it was a few names I can't remember
but mostly Bukowski.
After reading him,
I knew I found my style.
And the words wouldn't stop flowing
for over a year.
I documented almost every day and every feeling,
but then I deleted it.
I've had three different accounts
because I never felt good enough.
Being a writer means also being
your worst critic.
356 · Mar 2016
Onward
Chameleon Mar 2016
I'm in a much better mood today.
A better, clearer state of mind.
I have a lot to look forward to.
All of my stresses will be gone soon.
I'm almost 21, it's spring time, I have my dream car, and a great job that provides all of this for me.
I'm lucky.
It's hard, but sometimes you have to look past all of your problems and find the good.
It's exhausting to be sad all the time anyway.
Things work out.
It gets better.
Just keep going, keep trying.
Splurge on yourself a little.
Because life is good.
Smile today
351 · Dec 2023
Go back
Chameleon Dec 2023
I’m supposed to go back to work
and my life tomorrow
even though it feels like my life
ended the other day.
I don’t want to keep going,
I want to go back.
346 · Dec 2019
Anything
Chameleon Dec 2019
It’s all worth it
even if lately it hasn’t been easy;
when he reaches for my hand and says,
“Thank you for helping me peach.”
Although he doesn’t need to thank me.
I would do anything for him.
346 · Feb 2019
Hair
Chameleon Feb 2019
I know it’s so simple.
The answer is obvious but even as I sit here thinking about it I still use my left hand to find the few remaining short hairs in my bangs and pull on them one at a time until they pop out.
In therapy last week I explained the process of how I decide which hair to pull and my therapist was fascinated by this.
I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment.
I just want to stop.
I hate that it feels impossible.
My hair is completely trashed and I am so ashamed of the mess I made.
I feel bad for my boyfriend that he’s dating this overly anxious loser with bald spots.
It’s not what he signed up for.

So I’m going to stop.
After I hit post I will not let myself even touch my head.
Just thinking about it now makes me want to do it so bad.
345 · Dec 2020
Nowhere
Chameleon Dec 2020
I’ve always struggled with feeling like I don’t belong anywhere.
That I’m taking up space in a room;
I’m only there because of the person I’m with, nobody cares about my presence.
Everyone feels like a stranger to me just a bit.
When I’m low I don’t have anyone to bring me up because nobody knows how to.
The third wheel, tagalong who always shows up late and leaves early.
344 · Jan 2017
Calories
Chameleon Jan 2017
Food,
You are my most loyal friend,
and my worst enemy.
Chocolate filled centers,
loads of cheese.
Going straight to my thighs.
And my stomach.
And.. everywhere else.

At least I know you'll always be with me.
335 · Jan 2017
Teenage heart beat
Chameleon Jan 2017
When I hear that old school guitar
on the radio
as I'm driving with a cigarette
in hand,
I get that care free teenage feeling.
Tasting the rebellion,
and I remember what it's like
to really have no worries.
To feel free.
332 · Oct 2019
Doll
Chameleon Oct 2019
I am a Matryoshka doll.
I carry many different versions
of myself around,
each making appearances
now and then.
I don’t even realize when I transform
until I begin to avoid things
to protect whichever stage I’m in.
Right now I am big, good at deflecting and
putting on a smile with
my mascara.
The small one that’s weaker;
scared
is
deep inside.
Safe.
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