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5.1k · Aug 2018
Dumb bracelet
Chameleon Aug 2018
I threw that stupid bracelet out the drivers side window as I sat in the parking lot of the liquor store.
I was hoping that someone would come across it and not know it's history.
Maybe it would be found by someone happy, or a little kid who spots the beads spread out on the concrete.
Or maybe it would just get crushed by the tires of a car.
I went inside the store, bought what I came for... And then walked over and picked it up before driving away.
4.8k · May 2016
Earthquake
Chameleon May 2016
I wish I didn't have to turn into an earthquake,
a trembling, shaking mess.
Simply because I don't always know the answers.
4.0k · Aug 2018
Cookie brownie
Chameleon Aug 2018
Sometimes I get the munchies so bad after smoking **** that I pick something I normally wouldn't.
Tonight before work I stopped at the gas station and my eyes skated across an Oreo cookie brownie.
I have had one before so I already knew it was exactly what I needed.
As I was driving I took bite after bite until finally, because it is so dense and sugary, I had to take a drink.
I ate nearly all of it in the 5 minutes it takes to get to work, but now I have just a little bit left that will probably go to waste because the munchies wore off and like I said,
I don't normally go for that kind of snack.
3.7k · Sep 2018
Hot air balloon
Chameleon Sep 2018
I hooked Sophie up to her red leash and we quickly descended the short staircase and out the door.
Up in the sky to the left was a hot air balloon.
The classic rainbow canvas.
As Sophie pulled me from grassy spot to grassy spot I kept my eye on the balloon and noticed it was going to land.
Because I'm a millennial I pulled out my phone and took a picture.
I watched it float steadily in front of the setting sun, cotton candy clouds behind it.
Must be nice to have a bird's eye view on a hot summer evening.
Chameleon May 2020
I used to have interaction on here but for the past 6 months my account has had zero.
No one is seeing my writing. Please help
2.5k · Aug 2018
Ohio
Chameleon Aug 2018
Ohio sunsets in late summer are amazing.

The sky becomes cotton candy with pinks and blues and the temperature begins to drop.
The clouds swirl and stretch.
You can hear a train in the distance with a faint breeze.
It feels great to drive around with the windows down and listen to music.

Ohio sunsets in late summer are amazing.
2.0k · Jan 2017
Fuck social media
Chameleon Jan 2017
I'm tired of all the ****** idiots
on Facebook who call ****** addiction
a disease.
I'm sick of all the thirsty creeps commenting on single girl's statuses and then watching that girl play along.
Get some self respect.
All the dog face snapchat photos that hoes post,
oh can't forget the duck face that needs to die.
The racist Trump supporters saying some ******* about Obama.

I don't know why all of this affects me the way it does, but I wish it didn't.
Social media is ridiculous.
Some days I want to delete it all, but then I'd just be staring at the walls.
2.0k · Jul 2018
good morning
Chameleon Jul 2018
I just got home from work and driving through the sun rise after stopping at the gas station for cigarettes.
The pink lightbulb guides me up the steps to my apartment and I'm greeted by Sophie the pitbull,
she wiggles and runs happy to see me.
She's the first one into the bedroom when I open the door and as I change out of my work clothes I pet her and kiss her head, complimenting on how cute she is the whole time.
Then I light a candle, pack a bowl and go to Netflix in search of Bob Ross, The Joys of Painting.
On this episode he is painting a night scene in the forest.
1.5k · Oct 2016
Janitor
Chameleon Oct 2016
It's 4:40 in the morning and I am at work.
I'm a custodian.
My whole night revolves around the clock,
drifting from one bathroom to the next.
Of course I do more than that.
But it's all such a bore.
I was done with everything for the night an hour ago,
but I can't leave until 6.
So, I will make myself look busy.
I have no **** at home so I'll probably stay up the rest of the day, watching YouTube videos since sleep will not be in the cards for me.
One more shift later and then I'll be free for the weekend.
Free to pay my bills, maybe get groceries, buy some ****, and binge watch The Office on Netflix for the second time.

And then start all over again next week.
1.4k · Sep 2015
fiji
Chameleon Sep 2015
I used Bukowski's back
as a makeshift table,
and packed one to smoke.
I hit it a couple times,
only setting it down to text him back.
It's a chilly Friday night.
It's the first time I've felt Fall
this year.
A cool steady breeze blows
in my bedroom window,
and he tells me
I love you.
1.3k · Aug 2018
Rubber band
Chameleon Aug 2018
When we were sitting next to each other at the laundry mat he asked if I wanted this thin red bracelet he was wearing.
I said, "I guess so."
He took it off his wrist and placed it in my open palm.

I smiled.
It was the shape of a heart.

He gave me something very similar to his actual heart, stretchy, and easily breakable.
A rubber band.
Chameleon May 2016
° Wonderful tonight - Bob Seger
°When the night comes - Dan Auerbach
°Emmylou - First Aid Kit
°You are my sunshine - lots of people
°Can't help falling in love - Elvis Presley
°Fine - Kacey Musgraves
°Home - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
1.3k · Dec 2018
Passing notes
Chameleon Dec 2018
We got back from the bar and were sitting at a makeshift one in our friend's ratty old trailer that was barely suitable to live in.
He grabbed a piece of paper and began writing something out of my eye sight.
He smiled and slid it over to me like we were passing notes in class.
"You are cute. Wanna hold hands?"
Check YES, or NO.
I put a check mark in the box next to Yes and just as quietly gave it back.
We smiled at each other and I shoved the yellow piece of paper into my purse for safe keeping.
It now hangs on my fridge underneath a magnet from the Aquarium.
1.2k · Aug 2021
Like you
Chameleon Aug 2021
I put on your deodorant when I was
getting ready for work because I wanted
to smell like you.
I knew it would be the last time your
scent followed me.
Like the last time I would lay with you,
or kiss you
or touch you.
Missing you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done,
and I have to do it again.
I know I’ll be okay in 6 months but
right now, I’m not.
1.1k · Sep 2018
Addicted
Chameleon Sep 2018
I think I get addicted to things easily.
So it's very good I've never done any drugs.

My addiction is people.

When I find someone who makes me feel a certain way that I can't really describe except for manicly high highs and depressingly low lows,
I can get obsessed with that feeling.
I don't know how to stop except to go cold turkey.
I can hate them so much when I'm alone and then as soon as I see their name pop up in a text or talk to them out in public I am hooked again.
1.1k · Jul 2018
Alone
Chameleon Jul 2018
And that's it.
It's over.
I did it and didn't even mean to.
We're over.
I left and went to my brother's.
I needed one of my siblings.
We went back to my house later and he was gone.
It's quiet.

Much quieter.
I left and went on a drive.
I ended up at Hueston Woods and sat by the dam.
I listened to the water and felt the breeze and just stared.
It doesn't feel real. Not yet.
Even though now I'm home and it's still quiet.
I'm getting drunk and smoking **** and letting my dog run all over the house that my brother and his boyfriend just so kindly cleaned.
I haven't eaten all day and I called off work.
I'm not ready to sit in this so I'm playing music very loud as I write this.
Funny enough Dan hasn't texted me back all day.
****. Maybe all guys are the same lol

Whatever. I want to be alone anyway.
1.1k · Dec 2018
Nice
Chameleon Dec 2018
He came over when I got off work and kissed me on the cheek.
He took me out to lunch and held my hand in Wal-Mart before buying me a pair of work out shoes.
I smoked my last cigarette in a pack this morning and have only been vaping since.
I fell asleep cuddled next to him on the couch and when I woke up we had ***.
For dinner he made me a "disgusting" smoothie with blueberries, strawberries, broccoli, kale, green tea, and a few other things I didn't recognize.
And then I went to work and kissed him before leaving him in my apartment.
It's so strangely nice and he's been such a good influence on me it feels like I'm watching someone else's life.
I am tired, but I think I'm actually happy
1.1k · Oct 2015
trichotillomania
Chameleon Oct 2015
I have tried to be okay
with being alone,
in this apartment,
for as long as I have.
But it's lonely.
I like company and conversation.
Someone to lay against.
And pull my hands away from my head.
From this hair.
This shredded mess
that I hate so dearly.
It feels like I am losing.
Or maybe, I've already lost.
971 · Oct 2018
Blue
Chameleon Oct 2018
He says he hates the color blue, and turns to look at me.
"Except for your eyes. I like that color."
951 · Aug 2019
rain.
Chameleon Aug 2019
Thunder covers the
sound of me whimpering into my pillow.
The earth is crying too.
917 · May 2016
Stars and psychics
Chameleon May 2016
I have been wanting to go see a psychic for awhile now.
I have a lot of questions, ones that I have spent years searching for answers.
And, I believe in the universe. So far.
And you must too.
How else do you explain us, except that the stars aligned perfectly.
889 · Oct 2016
Mental illness
Chameleon Oct 2016
On Saturday night I didn't go out to dinner with my family because I discovered a new, big bald patch.

Right in the front of my hair line, on the other side of where my bangs used to be.
Except with this one, I can't cover it up.

I kind of jokingly mentioned it to my boyfriend, and he told me I looked fine.
But then my fingers kept attacking the same spot, and my brain began to get mad, and then scared.

Why do I let it get this bad?!
Why can't I just stop?!

I'm going to have to shave my head.
For real this time.

So, I told my boyfriend I was gonna go lie down and take a nap.
I really just couldn't stand being inside my head any longer.

I really scared myself. That was one of the first times I actually lied to my family as to why I couldn't go out. I lied about wanting to take a nap because I was about to take the clippers to my hair.

It was one of the first times I felt this thing really taking over me.
888 · Sep 2016
Unpopular opinions
Chameleon Sep 2016
°Don't get married to someone unless you've been together for at least three years. Five years to be safe.
It takes a really really long time to get to know someone.
°Just because you have a child with someone doesn't mean you HAVE to marry them. Ever. Your kid will turn out fine.
°****** is a choice, not a disease.
°I don't believe there are "soul mates" anymore. Or that you can love one person forever. People change, it's inevitable.
°Love is temporary. ^^
°Twenty-one Pilots *****. Their music isn't original, it's boring.
°Beyonce is even worse. She's definitely part of that group you don't speak of.
°Aliens are real. Seriously.

That's it for now. I know I have a lot more, I just can't think of them right now.
884 · Jul 2018
Hair
Chameleon Jul 2018
Each hair I pluck from my head feels good; well satisfying at the time.
Until I look at it in my fingers.
I can see where my natural hair color ends and where the blonde begins.
I run it over my fingertips and then drop it off to my side.
Time to find another.
And another.
Until I realize in a panic that I have just pulled out even more of what was left of my bangs.
Perfect.
Let's see if I can figure out how to cover this up, or maybe this time I can't.
What then?
875 · Aug 2018
Dumb
Chameleon Aug 2018
I wear a watch just because I like the way it looks.
I don't actually use it to keep the time.
I buy books even though I haven't sat down and finished one in many years.
I've already listened to Christmas music this year and bought an iced pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks even though August hasn't ended yet.

And I might be in love even though it's one sided and I swore I wouldn't fall for anyone for a long time.
In conclusion, I'm an idiot.
860 · Jan 2016
Battle #9,012
Chameleon Jan 2016
Sometimes I look at my hair and think,
oh it could be worse. I'm doing better.
And then sometimes I look in the mirror and feel that same horror as the first time I ever noticed what I was doing.
Nothing helps and nobody cares.
And I'm just stuck living with this every day, & it's really ******* hard.
I'm never going to beat trichotillomania.
Some day soon probably,
I'm gonna have to shave off all of this hair that I do have,
that took so long to grow.
Why can't I just stop.
775 · Nov 2016
Family
Chameleon Nov 2016
It's interesting to watch people my age, who have come from
"broken homes"
trying so hard to create
the perfect family.
Only to realize why their parents
eventually separated.
Because even though you should
put your child first,
you only have one life to live.
Who knows what happens after you die.
And aren't two happy people
better than an angry household?
There is no such thing as "perfect"
anyway.
770 · May 2016
Bad boys
Chameleon May 2016
No matter how hard I try to fight it;
and tell myself I deserve the guy that opens my car door, and is adored by my parents.
I can't stop this feeling.
And in the words of Lady Gaga,
I'm still in love with Judas baby.

I love *****, sad/angry, and different.

Bruises, and tattoos, drinking and smoking.

The guy that will pick me up on his dirtbike, but doesn't bother coming to knock on the door.
And then in the privacy of no eyes watching,
kisses me hard.

I love the fight,
the struggle,
I love a bad boy.
746 · Mar 2016
double dutch
Chameleon Mar 2016
Tonight someone told me
they thought I was astonishing.
That they've thought about me for years, after meeting me once.
My eyes, and of course my ****.
So strange, that someone I almost forgot about remembered me so much.
It's sweet and poetic.

Maybe because I've spent my own years pining after someone that has long forgotten me.
It's amazing to be on both sides.
745 · Jan 2016
Stop
Chameleon Jan 2016
Ferociously,
quickly,
precisely,
I am picking at my hair.
Pulling on them from the root.
Sweet, odd, relief.
Followed by devastating guilt.
Why can't I beat this?
Am I really that weak.
Just
S t o p .
736 · Nov 2018
Troll
Chameleon Nov 2018
I had my first day where I didn't miss him.
I even started to question why I liked him so much in the first place.
I had my first day where if he had texted and begged for me back I wouldn't go.
I think I fell for the *******, the fake romance he displayed.
Now sitting down and having a deep talk makes me roll my eyes.
I don't want that anymore.
I'd rather have someone be brutally honest, and speak their mind all the time.
Stop being afraid to hurt my feelings, I'm not that breakable.
**** mystery, it's stupid.
It's rude to take so much of someone's time by making your life a riddle.
Get out from under the bridge you ******' troll.
718 · May 2016
Shave my head
Chameleon May 2016
I don't think very many people could fully understand why I would love to shave off my hair.
I don't want to be bald,
just short short short.
I would cry.
I would feel happy.
And free.
The hair that's on my head has made me so unhappy for so long.
My whole life really.
That's why it's been every color, every length.
It's the source of my mental illness and a huge part of my daily struggle.
If it were just gone,
I would feel nothing but liberated.
I could start over.

And you might say, well do it.
But it's not that easy.
It would draw so much negative attention to me.
People might think I've gone crazy, or never stop staring.
And I'm afraid of what they'd think.
Shallow, but true.
I'm a 21 year old girl in 2016 when hair is everything.

But I dream about it. A lot.
684 · Jul 2018
Funny girl
Chameleon Jul 2018
There is almost no compliment that feeds my soul more then hearing that someone thinks I'm funny.
It makes me feel brighter then being told I'm beautiful because you never forget someone who could make you laugh.
666 · Nov 2015
quilts and couches
Chameleon Nov 2015
Sitting here and it feels like
my brain is scrambling to
find something, or do something
I need.
But here I am,
in bed at 1 a.m on a Saturday;
writing my junk poetry,
smoking what was left of a cigarette
I found in the ash tray.
I had a glass of wine earlier,
which I enjoyed with the spaghetti
I made. (My best so far)
I watched two movies I rented,
and smoked some ****,
and now I am here.
I want to read Bukowski,
but my eyes feel more like closing.
I guess I'll let sleep win this round.
664 · Jul 2016
More time
Chameleon Jul 2016
I day dream about standing in front of a mirror and shaving all my hair off.
I can't stand looking at it anymore. I don't even like when it touches me.
And people would think I've gone crazy, and finally someone steps up to take care of me.
I get time off work, my bills are paid, debt gone, food in the fridge, medical marijuana.
And I just get to.. Heal.
660 · Dec 2016
Oil
Chameleon Dec 2016
Oil
I miss wrapping my arms
around you under neon lights.
The smell of your t-shirt when my nose
was pressed against it in bed.
Watching the trail of cigarette smoke
sway side to side during deep conversations in cars.

I can still hear the roar of the highway,
at 7 a.m that June morning.
It blended in well like an oil painting;
next to the sun, The Beatles, and your smile.
650 · May 2016
Expand
Chameleon May 2016
You should never stop learning new things about yourself if you keep growing.
Keep changing, developing, expanding.

It's important to listen to different music,
watch documentaries and movies and TV shows, and read books that you may not think are for you.

They might be.
646 · Nov 2019
A sentence
Chameleon Nov 2019
“I wish I could put you in my pocket.”

And I wish I could fit.
628 · Mar 2016
Drubk
Chameleon Mar 2016
****.
I drank too much whiskey.
I feel so dizzy and I want to get sick.
But my body won't let me.
I hungout with an old high school friend
and we drank and smoked and listened to good *** music.
It was fun.
I went to the gas station afterwards to buy cigarettes and two older men in a car were checking me out. That was uncomfortable.
I had too much.
I need to sleep.
And I miss my boyfriend.
I'm sorry, I'm drunk.
Chameleon Dec 2015
Never doubt me.
If I want something,
I take it.
If I want to do something
I do it.
I am strong and brave
and **** and smart.
I've never needed anyone's
approval but my own.
I believe in hard work,
and determination.
The world is an open door,
there is always something you can do.
Never let anyone try to tell you
you can't.
593 · Jan 2016
Normal
Chameleon Jan 2016
Sometimes,
well quite frequently actually.
I wonder if I'm depressed.
Oddly enough,
I don't know for sure.
Even on the best day,
I feel sad.
Anxious; always thinking about
tomorrow.
I am always tired.
Like, so much so that I am almost sure I could sleep for a week.
I love my job,
but I don't.
I hate being alone,
but I also don't like being around people.
I don't know if these feelings are just normal, something everyone feels.
Or if it's just me.
575 · Jun 2016
My love
Chameleon Jun 2016
If I really shut up and think about it, I am so lucky to have my boyfriend.
Because I am not a ray of sunshine all the time, usually my hair is a mess and so is my face, smeared makeup and adult acne.
And yet, he thinks I'm beautiful.
He always makes sure I get enough sleep,
and asks if there's anything he can do while I'm at work.
His friends think I'm cool because I don't mind if they come over and play video games for hours, but they always smoke their **** with me.
My best friend is my boyfriend, and I'm his too.
We trust each other so much that it isn't even a question, when I get home from my third shift job we have breakfast and then fall asleep til noon.
I love him and he loves me.
What else could a girl want.
567 · Sep 2018
Trouble
Chameleon Sep 2018
I'm having trouble because I
want you to want to be with me.

For real.

Not just on a hot Thursday afternoon for a short hangout,
or sleep overs that lead to more then just sleeping.

I want you to want me when it's cold or raining and everything seems to be falling apart, but despite all the troubles life can bring at least you have me.
560 · Oct 2018
Almost eight
Chameleon Oct 2018
While laying in bed I can hear the windchimes, that are hanging outside my neighbor's apartment singing loudly and consistently.
The wind is blowing hard outside.
Even though it's Halloween it's warm and the air smells fresh as it comes in my window.
Perfect to fall asleep to.
555 · Dec 2015
Being twenty
Chameleon Dec 2015
Everybody over the age of
Twenty nine says your twenties
are meant for trying and failing
and learning and growing.

But so far my twenties have been about
trying to get enough sleep,
enough money.
Binge eating after smoking way too
much ****.
I am learning.
And growing.
Up.

I watch movies every night,
sleep in too late.
Spend too much money on
stuff that can't be accounted for later.

But I'm kinda happy with
these sleepy, lazy, delicious routines
I've created.

Amazing writing material
for a sloppy poet.
554 · Dec 2018
Old pals
Chameleon Dec 2018
There she is.
My old pal sadness, it's been awhile since her last visit.
She must have gone to see the ocean or the Grand Canyon, but, she always comes back. She never really leaves my side because nothing gold can stay.
553 · Apr 2016
So I hung my head and cried
Chameleon Apr 2016
I didn't even know I had this version of this song, on Spotify.
The best version of My Sunshine.

It unexpectedly started to play,
just as I began to think of you.

Ya know, I would've kissed you so many more times if I had known that there would be a last.

You and I have become a fairy tale,
a dream,
a parallel universe.
An invisible amount of time.

God, I really did love you.
If you thought of me now and then that would be a dream come true.
551 · Dec 2015
Sour apple
Chameleon Dec 2015
Do

not

take my picture.
I am
more
beautiful in

words.
549 · Jul 2018
Almost
Chameleon Jul 2018
I've been turning the heat on in the car on smoke breaks.
69 degrees now feels cold.
I always get so exhausted after my brain spirals and washes down stream.
It's like it catches on fire or spins really fast,
and then when it cools off I can barely keep my eyes open.
I almost texted Dan and told him some stupid **** like I loved him and hated myself.
And I almost texted Sam and told him I understand why he tried to **** himself.
But luckily, thank god or whatever it is, I didn't.
But now my break is over and I have one hour left until I can go home and smoke a bowl and dream of being someone else.
Dan is the sweet guy I write about. Sam is a friend who tried to take his own life twice. He's doing a lot better now thankfully.
547 · Oct 2015
you are
Chameleon Oct 2015
You are my sunshine,
my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are grey.
You'll never know dear,
how much I love you.
Please don't take
my sunshine away.
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