Caution
Dynamite
Here lies Pandora's box
Not quite a curse
Not quite a dark pit
But a diamond
So sharp
It will open up your wounds
Just by looking at it
Open with caution
Open with care
In fact
Consider not opening the box
Consider that the brightness
Is as sharp as the edge
Consider reconsidering
Re-reading your journals

Lacking
Fleeting
Rare
20 assignments
20 overdue.

Parked in a lot
at night
With no gas and
no light

Instincts kick in
I run
Then I reach for
my gun

Motivation
won't bend
Pull the trigger
and so it ends

"It's ok, I feel sad too sometimes."

But not like this.

"You're faking it."

I'm only telling the truth.

"I know how you feel."

Not on my level

"Stop being so lazy!"

Lazy  ≠ exhausting

"Get over it, and stop feeling sorry for yourself."

I can't get over a mental illness.

"It's not that bad if you aren't cutting yourself"

Self harming isn't always cuts.

"Don't give your life away!"

Actually, good idea, what do I have to lose?

i’ll remember the sound of the
ocean gently lapping the shore, and
the sound of birds chirping - which birds
i can’t be sure -
i’ll remember my feet blistering, and the
taste of red wine
i’ll remember the blue 10pm sky
and two magpies giving a
sign.

most of all i’ll remember the restless
joy that i feel, my yearning that reels,
my eagerness to escape and
my emotions, slowly taking
shape.

i went to the place where
we first met,
and there i saw
the corpse of who you were.
i stood over you
i let the flies hit my face
i watched the vultures circle
waiting, waiting
until i finally left &
they could pick at your bones.
i stood there
as the clovers ate you
as my hands were left with blood.
i saw your corpse on that hill
where you said my age didn’t matter
i could still send you nudes
at seventeen & in love
with who i thought you were.
the you i thought you were
died on that hill
as it should have
when i asked you to stop drinking too much
and you didn’t
when i asked you to stop smoking so much
and you didn’t
when i asked you to never leave
and you did.
you died on that hill.
and i stood over your corpse
with my own blood on my hands
after killing myself for you.
i watched decay eat you on that hill
and i stepped back into myself
and i walked away.

i didn’t bother to bury you.
the vultures ate what was left.

I saw you this morning
And did not know you
I felt you this morning
But who are you?

Trust, love, faith
Those are your names
Care, cherish, support
Those are your names

A dream
Early morning
Asleep
Yet conscious

You left an impression
Of feelings I did not know
Yet having never felt them
I now know they are real

Maybe you are out there
Maybe you are not
Now at least I know
Those feelings, that trust

That love, that faith
In one another
Can be real
And I have settled for less

I may have settled in my settling
But now I know
And will never forget
You and what may be