My heart is a glass castle
as you put your hand between my thighs.
i feel my body shattering
as “no’s” escape from my mouth,
a whimper.
No does not mean anything to you because my eyes said yes.
I don't know how.
They were filled with tears.
Black and blue
Slipping off
Condensating my glass skin,
I was crying.
There is nothing left for you here. It’s lost in translation
no doesn’t sound like a word anymore.
it lays stagnant on your tongue
as she continues to touch you.
Her cold hands exploring where you had put caution tape
“no" "no" “no"
you wish it still sounded like a word.
This is something I will write a thousand times before I turn eighteen
it is scrambled and constant
i accept it.
there was a straw house at the edge of everything
i wish you didn't go to it.
You should had stayed on top of the mountains far away from my glass castle heart.
my heart is a glass castle*
as the blood flows through,
there are cracks where you have touched.
It spills out,
As red touches every inch of me and paints me like a canvas
I try to ignore the awful feelings in my chest
but they have grown
oh they have grown.
as the village people build a wall between us
and run toward you
your steel hands try to break my walls in half
Their pitchforks and torches ignited with fire
they see right through you
Maybe you will think before you do this again
But they cannot ignite your skin
You are rough around the edges.
When i break
The shards will scatter
To where everything ends
And everything begins
I will find myself between your toes
You will feel a sting it is a fraction of what i felt
As the blood drips down your foot
I do not smile.
I wanted you to feel bad about it for so long
But it doesn’t take away the feelings
That plunge in my chest
As pieces of me are in places
I have never been
Lost and waiting to be found
And i hurt others
While trying to put myself together

When he tells you you're pretty
Smile and say
" i know."
Do not frown when he doesn't use any other word to describe you.
You are deeper than any ocean he's ever swam in
laugh at how he'll never know your depth.
when your friends swish the word feminism in their mouth like its *****
Do not yell at them.
Nod with your arms crossed
and stop paying attention mid sentence,
because you know they'd do that to you.
when the doctor gives you the pills
that make you restless
take them.
go to school with your eyes baggy and swollen
Try not to cry when people point them out
Just say
"I have a test today. I crammed all night."
do not get upset  when your old jeans do not fit.
Your medicine is making you gain weight
Pat your tummy in my mirror and try to smile.
start crying ten minutes later
When your friend says his boyfriend is friends with your ex girlfriend
tell him about how it ended
leave out the **** and emotional abuse
Say it doesn't bother you people think she's a good person
Don't tell your mother
Don't tell your counselor
Don't tell your teacher
write it in a poem
And when you read it out loud shake
Realize nothing will ever be easy
Start being clean until you can stop counting the days on your fingers
Know this doesn't mean you're okay
When your mom asks why you haven't gotten your drivers permit
do not tell her it's because you knew if you had a car you'd crash it,
Until a million ashes burned your body.
that's what you want,
and you hate yourself so much for it.
Instead,
Just look at the ground
ashamed and whisper
"I don't know"
read the book until that's all you can remember
they wouldn't understand anyways.
Listen to all the songs she wrote about you
Start believing everything she said was true.
see yourself as
ugly
unlovable
too rough around the edges.
pretend like it doesn't bother you.
pretend you are what others mold you into.
pretend.
because it's easier that way.

Scratching for quite some time
on this blank white page,
my emotions flow
shine and glow
till the emptiness
imbibes my thoughts
like raindrops after a **drought.