you did nothing to have someone act the way they did. yet, you still feel as though you did something wrong. you apologize and try to convince them that it was you, it was all you and they had nothing to do with the wrong that was committed. as time goes on, you realize that it was nothing that you did at all, that you weren’t in the wrong. by then, it’s too late…god, i don’t know where i’m going with this...maybe this isn’t for you, but for me instead. because i have to constantly remind myself that i am worth it, that i’m valuable. no matter how much rejection or heartbreak that i face, i still pick myself up at the end of the day. i’m the one who will dust off my shoulders, wipe the tears from my eyes, bandage the wounds left by the ones who ran me over, and continue the long weary journey alone, save for a few people that want to join me. many start with me but few stay with. others say that they’re going to be there for me but then drop off the face of the earth with a simple “i’m sorry but i can’t do this” and leave me dumbfounded and confused and wondering what it was that i did and if there had been anything i could have done to change their mind. there was nothing and i didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t me at all, but it was them, leaving me trampled into the ground with my soul broken into a million shards. i’ll be sitting there, reassembling my heart, missing a few pieces, cursing the existence of everyone and swearing, “no, i won’t allow myself to be attracted to another person” until i see someone else and they see me too and oh gosh, it’s happening again. i should learn to brace myself against such things because i know that i’m going to get hurt again and it’s going to be even more painful than the last. and then it happens and yet again, i’m sitting there, bewildered because i don’t know what happened or why it happened or the other several hundred questions running through my mind, so i begin gluing the shards together again, noticing a few more are gone, stuck to the sole of his shoe from where he crushed my soul. ironic, isn’t it?
this is what i wrote after my first breakup. thought it could use some light