i hate cars
i hate driving them
i hate riding in them
for some reason, other people enjoy cars
i don’t understand those other people
for me, cars are evil
cars take people away
away and you’ll never see them again
i wasn’t always distrustful of cars
once upon a time, i used to enjoy them
the family would go on road trips
see the state and find new adventures
i was six then
i was naive
there’s a reason i’m so distrustful of cars
i don’t have a phobia
i simply hate them
my psychologist says there’s nothing wrong with them
i disagree
cars hurt
they **** and destroy
they take away love and replace it with pain, tears, and grief
and flowers
there’s always flowers
hundreds of flowers, filling the house and suffocating you
slowly killing you
cars are dangerous
i don’t see why most people don’t realize that
i hate them for one reason
they take away and never give back
it happened a year ago
it was an accident
my mother died
there was a drunk driver
he hit her at an intersection
he was fine
she died instantly
she didn’t feel the pain of the crash
the rest of us did
we felt the pain of the crash
the crash that destroyed our lives
we all had our own personal demons after that
my father buried my mother
he then buried himself in work and scotch
my oldest brother locked out the crash
he then locked himself in his bedroom
my other brother never found closure
he then was never found at home
i lost my mother
i then lost myself
we were all broken
this happened for months
until i...
i said ‘enough’
i ran away
that’s all i am
a runaway
a scared child who couldn’t return home because...
she was being suffocated
she couldn’t breathe
she couldn’t live
i
i couldn’t live
it was an accident
i wasn’t as careful as i should have been
it was dark and rainy
the anniversary of the first accident
the anniversary of my mother’s death
i was it by a car
my oldest brother was driving
he was looking for me
it had only been a week
a week since i left
i almost died that night
or so i’m told
i almost died
i should have died
these days, we’re doing better
there’s still a hole in our hearts
there always will be a hole
but it’s less painful now
my father has stopped drowning in alcohol
my oldest brother has stopped staying in
my other brother has stopped staying out
and for me?
i’m still lost
but not as lost as i once was