it's hard to have a healthy amount of self love when you do not have a healthy amount of knowledge pertaining to who you happen to be.

when I'm nervous I laugh in the most awkward way, like all the things I'm insecure about don't really matter and its not hard for me to find the right way to explain "this isn't okay and i am not okay"

i tripped over the loose threads of my mind and now i'm stuck without an idea of how to get up. Looking at loose ends and piecing myself together is much more fun.

everything i say is in stutters

it is slow and awkward and sounds so unrehearsed even though i ran the lines 800 times. I just wasn't ready for the way the audience would look at me i wasnt ready for how much id care about their opinions.

"Im punk rock I do what I want" if you know me I've said that to you.

*******.

"Im unsure of who I am in my entirety, I'll do what you want me to if youll help me figure myself out. I'll probably do what you want anyways because I like it when you're happy but I don't know how to make anyone happy without first fumbling don't worry you yourself are fine you're wonderful really I'd like to be comfortable around you it's not you it's me I'm a ******* cliche hahaha wouldnt it just be best for us all if i rendered my tongue unable to move yes i think so too shut off the gears in my mind while we are at it sorry sorry sorry sorry"

Punk rock is unapologetic. I am anything but.

"Atlas, you're so quiet"

You'd be too if any time you opened your mouth an inadequate jumble of stststutteradjectiveadjectivenounverb wait no itsitsitsitsidontknow with the subtext (sorryimnotgoodenoughpleasedontrealizeit) fell out.

"You are not alone. There is beauty in sadness. Many run from it or treat it as something that shouldn't be. We need to feel sadness to feel joy. Your sadness is cold. Can it be made to feel warm?”

can it?
I am starting
to think
yes

realizing
everything you said
carries its own weight
in truth
without sadness
I wouldn't know joy

duality
is in
every part of this universe
from
the ever shifting
ocean
in my soul
to the massive star
we named
the sun
and
she shines
because of duality

massive
amounts of energy
bursting
pushing
to get out
the weight
of her being
crushing
pushing down
with equal
force

the suns
core
fuses
transfers
makes
something else
out of
what is inside her

her hydrogen
becoming
helium
the constant change
creating
something almost
stable
almost
predictable

one day
there will be nothing left
inside of her core
to fuse

one day
I will have nothing left
inside of my soul
to write

when there is no more
hydrogen
left
no more
passion
left
she will collapse
under the weight
of her existence

the pressure
of this alone
causes
more
change
heavier
elements
heavier
thoughts
she will swell
growing
larger
darker
intrusive
making us feel
her being

leaving us
with no where to go
but to accept
and to be
engulfed

after
there is nothing left
she will collapse
from
her giant self
overbearing
us and our neighbors
becoming
a fragment of who
she used to be
rotating
still
the passion
is gone
her life source
is gone
the light
lingers
until she has nothing left
her light
burns out
and
until time stops
she will stay
a brown
quiet
dwarf
all that's left
are her memories of
the life
she gave
to us

I hope
when it is my time
when my fuel
has become heavy
and when I engulf
those
around me
forcing
my deadly heat
onto
my
planets
that I won't collapse
into
a smaller star

into
a lesser version
of me

i want to be
big enough
that I explode
tearing
through what's left
with the beams of energy
I've stuffed inside of me

let my supernova
carry the dust
of the planet
you were
let me
push you elsewhere
farther
let me
bring new life
energy
hope
when I explode

and then
let me eat
anything
that gets too close
you will never leave
you are mine

I SLAMMED THE DOOR SO HARD, THAT IT COULD HAVE FALLEN OFF IT'S HINGES,
THE SAME WAY I COLLAPSE TO MY KNEES SOMETIMES.
I SLAMMED IT WITH THE KIND OF FORCE THAT IT  TAKES ME TO LOVE, AND GOD KNOWS I LOVE WITH THE POWER OF EARTHQUAKES AND TORNADOS COMBINED.

I envy the stars,
For they can go
Billions of years
Before forgetting how to shine
And I could barely go ten.
I was that age when,
The lights behind my eyes
And the lights all around me
Seemed to go dim,
Never again to mirror the sun.

Dear World,

Today is
   The day I
      Break down the walls.

Today is
   The day I
      Breathe it all in.

Today is
   The day I
      Open my heart.

Today is
   The day I
               LIVE.

For so long
I have barricaded myself
Behind the thickest of masks,
And now it is time
For it to fall

No longer a
Nameless face,
A lost human,
A waste of space

Today is
   The day I
      Learn to fly!

                                             -Boy*



Boy,

Today is
   The day I
      Break your heart in two.

Today is
   The day I
      Let reality suffocate you.

Today is
   The day I
     Close your mind.

Today is
   The day your aspirations
                                       DIE.

For I am
To harden your heart
I will leave you rejected
With no hope
Of ever belonging.
Draw the mask
Back over your face
This is not a place
For being yourself.

Today is
   The day I
      Permanently break your wings.

                                                               -World

I have a poets soul,
I am willing to bleed my heart out
Onto blank paper
But the prospect
Of speaking my mind
Leaves me shaking.

This soul
Is thousands of years old,
I have lived a lifetime after lifetime
And have died a hundred times over
Yet the thought of the grave
Shakes me, inside and out.