it's hard to have a healthy amount of self love when you do not have a healthy amount of knowledge pertaining to who you happen to be.

when I'm nervous I laugh in the most awkward way, like all the things I'm insecure about don't really matter and its not hard for me to find the right way to explain "this isn't okay and i am not okay"

i tripped over the loose threads of my mind and now i'm stuck without an idea of how to get up. Looking at loose ends and piecing myself together is much more fun.

everything i say is in stutters

it is slow and awkward and sounds so unrehearsed even though i ran the lines 800 times. I just wasn't ready for the way the audience would look at me i wasnt ready for how much id care about their opinions.

"Im punk rock I do what I want" if you know me I've said that to you.

*******.

"Im unsure of who I am in my entirety, I'll do what you want me to if youll help me figure myself out. I'll probably do what you want anyways because I like it when you're happy but I don't know how to make anyone happy without first fumbling don't worry you yourself are fine you're wonderful really I'd like to be comfortable around you it's not you it's me I'm a ******* cliche hahaha wouldnt it just be best for us all if i rendered my tongue unable to move yes i think so too shut off the gears in my mind while we are at it sorry sorry sorry sorry"

Punk rock is unapologetic. I am anything but.

"Atlas, you're so quiet"

You'd be too if any time you opened your mouth an inadequate jumble of stststutteradjectiveadjectivenounverb wait no itsitsitsitsidontknow with the subtext (sorryimnotgoodenoughpleasedontrealizeit) fell out.

I envy the stars,
For they can go
Billions of years
Before forgetting how to shine
And I could barely go ten.
I was that age when,
The lights behind my eyes
And the lights all around me
Seemed to go dim,
Never again to mirror the sun.

Dear World,

Today is
   The day I
      Break down the walls.

Today is
   The day I
      Breathe it all in.

Today is
   The day I
      Open my heart.

Today is
   The day I
               LIVE.

For so long
I have barricaded myself
Behind the thickest of masks,
And now it is time
For it to fall

No longer a
Nameless face,
A lost human,
A waste of space

Today is
   The day I
      Learn to fly!

                                             -Boy*



Boy,

Today is
   The day I
      Break your heart in two.

Today is
   The day I
      Let reality suffocate you.

Today is
   The day I
     Close your mind.

Today is
   The day your aspirations
                                       DIE.

For I am
To harden your heart
I will leave you rejected
With no hope
Of ever belonging.
Draw the mask
Back over your face
This is not a place
For being yourself.

Today is
   The day I
      Permanently break your wings.

                                                               -World

I have a poets soul,
I am willing to bleed my heart out
Onto blank paper
But the prospect
Of speaking my mind
Leaves me shaking.

This soul
Is thousands of years old,
I have lived a lifetime after lifetime
And have died a hundred times over
Yet the thought of the grave
Shakes me, inside and out.