There were days
I remembered
To put my heart on my sleeve.

The other days
I hid it
So deep inside my body
I couldn’t find it for myself.

The terror of anyone finding
Me judging me
Seemed to linger in the air
I inhaled.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I let different boys touch me
Because I wanted to know
Even for a second
What it felt like to be loved
Even if the love was cheap
And it tasted like ***
Like the punchline to a joke
I never got because it was me

I let different boys have different parts of me
Parts they didn't deserve
But I offered up willingly because I couldn't give anything else
after you broke me
I was looking for different fingers
to place different pieces and hoping  the outcome
would be a masterpiece
Maybe one of them would find a way
to cover up the handprints you left all over me

I let different boys touch me because I had to prove to myself
you wouldn't be the only one
that these scars marking my body wouldn't define
my worth to be loved
I am not entirely sure  
you aren't the only one who could ever touch me without slightly  flinching

I let different boys touch me because that is all I have been taught
To be a joke
To be silent
To be ready to give until you have nothing left
- they keep leaving me and I am to scared to offer up anything more than my body to get them to stay

I discovered then
that love was not
the clenching of a
heart, or the pattern
of a pulse in
double time

but the
emptiness of
the seat opposite
you at breakfast

and the bitter taste
of coffees laced with
goodbyes

You are my poetry,
Sometimes you are easy to understand,
Sometimes you are hard,
And sometimes you are beyond my reach,
But you are so beautiful,
That I don't want to give up on you
Sometimes the things that you say,
Fly over my head,
Leaving me dazed and confused,
But I love you
Sometimes you are what you say you are,
And sometimes you take it too far,
There are things I like about you,
And things I don't,
But they make you, You
So, I want both
You are all the great poets fused into one body,
One perfect poetry

I should eat
Red reminders on my left wrist
I wanted, have been wanting to
Little bathroom, mat on the floor so nice
A cocooned furry haired weeping mess
A creature confined.
I hoped you would pick me up
Mama so mean, women so cruel
With your love and good tidings
"Find your Christmas spirit"
My little brother encourages--
His girlfriend and me.

The single one.
The mighty one
Glitter heels, this red dress
I texted you photos, drunk statements
Quizzed about the love
We shared, that all went to ruin
But afterwards I still
Have continued to lay myself down
Again and again
Hoping for validation, reassurance
Perhaps, so that I don't have to feel like
I was left behind.


Your eyes red with remorse
In the early hours of the morning
But you couldn't give me what I needed
On my ****** cell phone today.

Moments, so many fleeting
Specific moments
I locked myself in my room for hours
I don't know that I slept at all
In the darkness of my room
Like I have always done
When my mind and heart
Can no longer take the outside world.

Deep South, its got its love
But I'm cut from a different cloth
You tried to say
But you wanted to deny
And admit that you actively are trying
To fall out of love with me.

I turned my cell phone off
After crying into the bathroom mat
We are good, we are friends, we are trying
You spin in circles and have said and said
I searched for all the right photos to send you
But I heard your voice
And knew I had to just let you go
Let you and the love you long to fade
In 2015.