She sits in the corner
Laptop splayed open
Searching
Searching for reasons to live
Maybe someone to love
A moment to smile for

Going through latest social trends
Sifting among piles of plastic smiles
And bright blue hash tags
Desperately looking for something
Someone genuine
A quote perhaps to believe in
A link on happiness maybe
To follow

All she receives though
Is disappointment
Immersed in a world obsessed
With shallowness
She realizes that all she needs
Everything she searches for
Is right here
Inside her soul it resides
The will, the strength, the love to survive.

Our eyes met across the hallway
Yours filled with a polite curiosity
My identity questionable
With a touch of nagging familiarity

I walked away
Merging into the crowds of uniform
Avoiding those moonlike eyes
Having a pull that draws me in

For a stranger
Your face seems old
Like it was carved into my insides
A promise of unforgetability

Who are you?
My mind searches its dark recesses
For answers which long since
Have been brutally wiped away clean

You find me easily
My scarred face hard to miss
Brows furrowed in confusion
You stare at my skin

Fingers reaching out
To touch the untouchable
A word forming on your lips
Evolving into a question

Nicole…?
Fingers clench the pregnant air
My body stepping back in fear
Too close.  Way too close.

I’m cornered now
Your presence now stronger
Studying my face with shock
My trembling cautioning your movements

Tears place themselves
Delicately in the corners of your sight
Emotions running wildly inside your being
As you look into the eyes of a ghost.

As predicted we parted ways
The crossroads were inevitable
A destiny our friendship could not escape
Equipped with this knowledge still couldn't prepare me for the break
It broke my heart to admit those unmentionables
We had become different people
wanting different things from life

No longer could we stand beside each other in happiness
Every encounter turned from joy to distaste
We made promises at every turn
Knowing full well
we would never keep them
Time pulled us away from each others love
Erasing slowly our shared past
It was a slow yet silent end
The final seal set in place with
the official end of college frivolity

I don't hate you for this end
We both were equally responsible for it
Yet my regrets seem stronger than your own emotions
For I have loved you for many a day
And this was not what I dreamed of
A future without your bright presence in it

With the end of my college years
I close this chapter of you
Your stay was shorter than I wished it to be
But the experience
was nothing short of beauty
Filled with love, happiness and
a lot of arguments
Not to mention beers
Carlsberg white elephant in Cafe New York shall not be forgotten
I wish you all the happiness in the world
You are a bright light that I hope
is never extinguished

There are soo many people I may never meet, hug, love and kiss
But I am so glad I could do it all with you
Even for the shortest time
Its memories shall not be forgotten
with yesterday's half eaten sandwich
But shall burn brightly in my heart
for all days to come.

It is considered weak to commit suicide
A terrible waste
The gift of life squandered
Keep on fighting
Never back down
You hear it every message movie and whatever's

But does anybody
I mean anybody even try
To understand the why?
Why would someone want to **** themselves
What could have happened to push them over the edge of sanity?

People don't just go around killing them selves for ***** sake
We're not some warped version of hidan following some killing cult called jashin

There is always a reason

What do I live for?
I have asked myself this question so many times I've lost count
And almost 90 percent of the time
I could find no answer
No reason to keep breathing
To keep living

Yet inside I've been dead
Emotionally dead
Not in a way that I feel nothing
Feeling nothing is a luxury I crave for
The problem is I feel too much
And I feel it killing me literally
Bit by bit

How do you live
When the very people you love treat you like the filth of the street
How can you keep going on
When every time, they break you
With their cruelty
Their words driving knives that keep digging into you flesh
Their bodies attacking you to a point where the slightest touch of flesh fills fear in your heart

What makes it worse is the bi polarity of it
Those rare moments of niceness terrify me more
It confuses me
It makes me believe that its all my fault

My fault that I'm hit
My fault that I'm filth
My fault again that they hit me
They do it because they love me they say
And as imperfect human beings their love is bound to have faults

But is it fair to me?
They have turned me into what I am
And now they hate what I've become
And what can I do?
All I ever asked for was to be loved
To be believed in
I'm not perfect either I've made one too many mistakes

But if you couldn't forgive
If you couldn't love
Then why in the world would you procreate?
Why the hell would you bring a child into this world if you couldn't love her when she grew up

You used her to vent your frustrations
She was blamed as the source of all your worldly problems
You hit her to feel better about yourself
Destroyed her will to strengthen your own
And when she cried
When she was in the corner shivering and fearful
You put a warm hand and comforted her
Told her it was her duty to bear it without complain

You drove her to insanity and back everyday
Used her trust to mock her
About the very things that broke her

And now finally
Two whole decades later
She has become nothing
Just an empty shell of what she used to be
Colourful butterflies don't spring out of papers when she moves crayons across them
Dark moths and evil sinisters arise instead
Drawing her into their dark feeling less hearts

This is her life
This is her story

And then they wonder why a girl from such a good family killed herself
Surely a bad egg was she

Her poor poor parents.

It starts off with happiness
The simple kind
When the world seems a beautiful place
Filled with possibilities and dreams

It changes in to sadness
A controlling one
That brings out the dark realities existence holds
Proving the insignificance of individuality

It deepens into depression
Spiralling out of control
******* the life force out of the sun
Plummeting through the nine rings of inferno

It breaks into tears
A helpless act
Mourning for the loss of innocence once cherished
An escort of belief in goodness

It ignites into anger
A deep hatred of all living
Despicableness for the destroyers of possibilities and hope
Infuriated at the selfishness of **** sapiens

It burns out into nothingness
A feeling of floating away in silence
A bearable insight into the reality of the universe
Losing the identity of a soul

This is the cycle of my life
Dramatic and dark as it may be
It is the curse and gift I live with
For feeling my emotions so strong

As long as there are artists
There shall be muses too
Chosen not for their pale purity
Or gold spun locks

Muses are reality
An image of honesty
Riddled with imperfections
And steeped in hardship

Yet what makes them special
Is not their seeming perfection
It is their will to live
A force overcoming hurdles

They suffer, terribly so
Brought to their knees in pain
But never letting go
Always holding on

It is this power
This unimaginable strength they hold
That makes them beautiful
That draws us to them

Forcing us to declare
This valley of emotions they erupt in us
Destroying us into smithereens
And then rebuilding us piece by piece

They drive us into a frenzy
Of words, colours and music
Driving us to infinite madness
And rebirthing us into an imperfect heaven of love

As long as there are artists
There shall be muses too
For they are each others saviour
Neither can survive or create without the other

Who was she?
This heavenly lady
A woman of passion and boundless love
In whose steps Shakespeare did stalk

Endless pages filled with inked words
Words of despair
Declarations of passion
Screams of want
Driving himself into a frenzy
As he scribbled each play
Searching
Looking for the right words
Those perfect letters to utter

Which could bring her love to him
All it took for him was one look
But for her
Golden goddess among pathetic humanity
More was needed
Much more was required

So did Shakespeare venture
Deeper into the power of letters
Struggling to pave the path to his goddess's heart

The fates sadly had another story in mind
For young Shakespeare's legacy
He was not to be gifted they believed
His goddess of perfection and over flowing love
Instead he was to be a beacon
Of hope
To all torn lovers who dared to walk this earth

A shining light to guide them
Treat them with belief
That some day
One day
Love would truly prevail.