all the lords shut silent in worry
as the sky fall, how did i started it

i hike the stairs just to feel my heart race
never felt more alone, now i know it

you don’t wanna care, bye
said you’re gonna come, lie
it’s my own fight, right
caught in the storm, died

was it guilt that turned your mighty face
wanna clean your hands, hate me instead
thanks
thanks for everything

all these dark emotions unlocked
at least i let this anger out
they said i was fool for accepting
it’s fine i learned and healing

today I received the good news
but the sky was certainly not sunny
how did the morning brings shades
of the nights I spent crying
trembling hands and muted whimpers
the things I went through to get here

and I still can’t sleep
and I start listening to musics
random watercolor paintings
the pain is taking me dancing

tactical plans, completed it all
polite smiles, swept them off
my body yearns hibernating sleep
and a safe space for a long weep

quiet night, silent cold
laid in bed, eyes won’t closed
said nobody died but I’m grieving
can’t explain but something’s missing

fate can be cruel
as if deliberately cruel
to trample your heart
humble you down

I collect my broken pieces
with his wise words of patience
and he said he’s happy enough, he’s grateful
and I realized I’ve strayed from the Most Merciful

were you the prince of my dream
January and all the beautiful things
disappeared in one night
you were catching flight

your warmth, your smell
dumbfounded, were they lies
if it’s real why am I alone
my heart dropped like never before

sometimes it’s piercing me how
people didn’t realize that
what they have easily are
invaluable luxury
something i can’t buy with money

oh if only
if only i’m in peace
with everything i have
value them as luxury
maybe my heart will finally be at ease

I don’t need more
I need what I’ve lost

I don’t want to climb higher
I want a quiet gentle pause

the uneasy effort results in clarity
that my start is still far below zero
and the dream is still far away to go

how do I tell myself
that the evil whispers aren’t true
that this is a milestone to celebrate
that hope will never disappear

to become my supporter
when I’m also the one carrying pain
I keep drowning
and keep shouting
“I love you”
“you’ve done well”