~~

it’s funny how people grow apart —

one day you’re laughing,

the next,

you’re not texting

or calling

or sending dumb memes

...

a girl i used to know

stopped calling one day

sent a birthday text —

like a ghost with good manners

i haven’t seen her in months,

she’s an old friend.

...

maybe it’s just the cycle of things.

maybe we’ll find our way back.

but that doesn’t make it hurt

any less.

~~
the moon is a whisper

on my bedroom wall,

she's ten times louder in my head

...

her name is a tide

it pulls,

it tugs,

it etches itself

on the inside of my eyelids

...

every blink is a memory i didn't ask for

her laugh-

uninvited

but welcome

always

...

the bed is too big

for one body and this much longing

some nights

sleep forgets me

other nights

she replaces it

~~
she laughs into her girlfriend's shoulder

but watches me like a secret

like she's holding her breath-

a sigh of relief

in the shape of something new

and i see it-

the way her smile trembles

when our eyes catch,

like she's just met a truth

she wasn't looking for,

as she turns back to her girlfriend

the girl

who isn't me.

~~
we never speak

just glance

across italian class

across the corridor

across everything we don't say

...

she sits beside.. him

laughing loudly as he kisses her cheek

but her eyes flick

they always do

to me.

the girl sitting alone

head in a book

...

we trade seconds

like stolen notes

neither is brave enough

to unfold

to admit

and maybe in some other version of today

those glances would have been hands

~~
to be a teenager is to be in those social media group chats

to be a teenager is to know the hot goss, to know everyone's life

to be a teenager is to gush over boys and giggle when they look at you

to be a teenager is to be reckless, and funny, and happy

it's a social norm

it's known that if you don't do any of that, you're left out

...

so no, I'm not in the group chat with the funny name

no, i don't know the hot goss on jenny and tyler

no, I don't like any boys — i'm trying to figure out my sexuality

no, i don't like to be reckless, i'm not funny and...

i'm not happy

but maybe being a teenager isn't just that-

maybe it's the quiet, chaotic, messy in-betweens

maybe it's the questions with no answers yet

maybe it's the becoming, not the being

.....right?