i've spilled all of her 17 years
on my sheets,
her skin was like a dough,
i could mold her the way i wanted,
but i told her to go.

“A piece of meat.”
His eyes searched her body
From her head to toe
Starting from her hair
Down to her eyes
Her lips, her nose.
Looking at her neck
He bit his own lip
For he was too far
To feast on her,
To take a bite of her lips.

“Her ******* are perfect”
That’s what he thought.
I have to eat,
To quench my hunger
I need to eat,
I need to have those.
Looking at her belly
He pictured his own self
Touching her body, his body
Like a butcher;
That’s when he lost himself.

But she walked away,
And all he could see
Was meat.
A piece of meat
And nothing more.
His eyes saw everything
But not what she hid
And she had hidden more,
Way more…
More than he could ever chew,
Way more…

Imagine wanting to say something,
Having so much to say,
But nothing will come out.
You're trapped in your own mind.
It's as if you have stage fright,
And the whole world is a stage,
And you can't speak the lines
That you've rehearsed
Over and over, countless times.

Imagine people telling you
To stop being shy, to talk,
But they don't understand
How real this fear is.

What if you say the wrong things?
What if no one likes you?
Feeling as if they think you're weird,
That they don't want to talk to you.
And it's those fears that trap the words,
Trap all the things you have to say.
It's not easy, it's terrifying.
And no one seems to get it,
This is not just shyness,
This is not antisocial,
It's anxiety, it's a phobia.
And it hurts.

It was winter;
I remember the sugary frost coating our windows, and the powdered snow piled upon our rusted roof.

I remember how each breath seemed to linger in that closeknit cab,
trapped.
We were both too shy,
so we sat together, enjoying the silence of everything we weren't brave enough to say just yet.

I remember the way your lips trembled then parted
an hour too late,
each careful letter tumbling free
with an awkward grace,
before falling perfectly into place.

I remember how your words tasted against my eager tongue,
raw like the ocean air,
but for the life of me I can't remember
if they were a confession
or a warning.

Everywhere I go, there are couples all around
Everyone paired up, I can feel the sound
Of love in the air
Love everywhere
Are they better than me?
How can that be?
They tell me I’m pretty
They tell me I’m great
So why do I feel so much hate
Toward all those couples
Smack the smiles off their face
I give up on the human race

Press Play
The world is spinning and if I didn't know any better I’d swear it was ending
Sometimes I still feel like it is
Pause
and the sickness is still there,
throbbing behind my eyelids like waves hitting rocks
time is frozen and I’m forced to feel everything
Play
The world is spinning again but this time in slow motion and I can see every image that ever hurt pass by me,
can feel them being burned into my brain
Rewind
to when it was easier and a couple holding hands or kissing didn't send me into a spiraling vortex of crippling sadness
Fast Forward
to two days from now and it will still hurt but not nearly as much because I’ll probably be high and kissing someone else wishing it was you
Play
but right now I still feel like I’m dying because she’s wrapped around your waist and you around her finger while I’m on the floor in the bathroom dry heaving until I ***** empty pill bottles and my insides rip through my old scars and look me in the eye and spit the truth and I’m screaming louder than I can hear trying to block it out because I can’t imagine a life where I am not her and the room is spinning spinning spinning and the walls are bending like an old bridge in a storm and the floor is caving in and
Stop

It's funny,
A little taste of something,
Something good can drive someone insane,
Only wanting more,
More of the good times,
More of you and your smiles,
More of you grabing my hand,
Setting it gently on your leg,
As if to invite me to let go,
Inviting my to feel and love,
This was but a taste,
And you neglect to mention that fact,
Neglect to mention in a few weeks you'll rip my heart out,
Then leave me in silence,
With only my pain,
All over just a little taste,
It was but a taste

she tries to ease her mind of your memories with showers
but the water always runs cold before she's finished crying