not because i thought of you.
most would say that would be it. most would say
that i should be doing the following:
distancing,
(severing)
forgetting,
(NEVER)
and moving on.
(but carrying you with me)
i am trying to do all those.
(with all the strength inherent in me)
(but Christ I am so weak)
but the failure is not thinking of you.
(it wasn’t, and never will be)
the failure is THIS:
i don’t know how to
(act?)
(express?)
(feel?)
for you.
i don’t know how to
care about you.
(i am too selfish)
(i am too possessive)
(i am too doubtful)
my failure today is that i did not figure out how to love you, my dear.
not today.

oh God, not today.

Standing up on stage,
While I'm sitting in the back on a
Rack of Bibles, you'll never
See the watery eyes accompanying
My smile plastered face
From being so ridiculously proud
Of who you've become,
And what you can accomplish
With your magical voice
And marvelous talent,
All from a girl, who I get the
Privilege to love.