I dream of greener pastures
and I ain't getting any younger
struggling to find the time
searchin' my pockets for pennies
lottery tickets and sunshine dust
well I never put my eggs in a basket
imagining the fruits of my labour
were full of vitamin c
they always told me education was key

No, I don't rely on a teacher
or confide in someone who doesn't
confide in me
well I hope the demon's love is true
or I'll find myself even more lost
hopelessly used and abused
and I'm just killing time
oh yes, I'm just killing time
starting to think that time is killing me

Dreaming of things '*** I'm a dreamer
and we ain't getting any younger
you said you'd get married when
you're twenty-five and I said
I'd quite like to get married now
but I can't find the time
searchin' for the minerals to ask you
can't afford the wine or pleasantries
they always told us we need to believe

No, I don't believe any preachers
or confide in someone who doesn't
confide in me
well I hope the demon that loves me is you
or I'll find myself even more lost
hopelessly wasted and confused
and I'm just killing time
oh yes, I'm just killing time
starting to think that time is killing me

I dream of strength and closure
and I ain't getting any younger
once I was three weeks sober
searchin' for reasons to quit
starting to think that I never needed it
well I never had any eggs in my basket
but I always had a *** to **** in
and a window to throw it out of
they always told me that what goes up

No, I don't get my hopes up
or confide in someone who doesn't
confide in me
well I lie because I hope my dreams come true
or I'll find myself even more lost
hopelessly sinking without you
and I'm just killing time
oh yes, I'm just killing time
starting to think that time is killing me

With you
The moon is a saucer of cream
And the sun a ball of honey
All to put in my tea.
The breeze blows
To brush my hair,
Perfume the air,
Push me forward to you.
Is love only for
Romance?
Security?
Affection?
Because this is so much more.
With you
I am a better me.
Laughing, smiling,
Loving, happy
Loving you is healing me.

As my stomach churns I lunge to the physical comfort of my air mattress.
Breathing out the small relief I feel familiar brimming of salty soon to be sticky drops preparing to take the final leap.
Sorrow racks me as I sob. Temples pierced with sharp tension pulse as I try to keep my episode volumeless. Sighing with trembles I am able to pull my mask back up with my stained, moss hued blanket. I throw a cover over my mind and lock my eyelids quickly, pretending not to see what I am doing to myself.

How can it be that when ever I can't see you
I'm stuck so empty. ****, do you even know?
I'm damming up a waterfall but I can feel the pressure building...
and I fight it, I fight it so hard and I don't even know why.
Logs come loose, currents push through, leaking
I pull my head down, using my curls as leverage to keep my face hidden.
Hidden away from these four walls, these four hovering beings.
The only witnesses. Counting my tears, muffling my sobs, but you don't know.
No one really does.
These walls unmoving, silent, still with eggshell paint, cannot comfort me. Cannot hold me. Cannot tell me that I am not a worthless person, that these feelings will fade. These walls cannot take the blade off of my thighs, soak up this crimson shame before it stains the thin gauze that makes up who I am.

A simple stumble of my thoughts can send me tumbling into reality where I sit alone.

The heavy pluck and drop of copper strings overtakes the sea of emerald blades in waves of melody and music crashing on to the shores of my ears.

Why not let the vibrations sweep my mind away and work me towards an ****** of relaxation. Making my toes curl as my worries and stress are gone in a giant release.

I lay now enveloped in a sun warmed flannel letting my fingers dance with the crowds of Daises standing so free.

Toes lead us like thread through each others bodies
Filling empty crevices with our own parts.
Lips stich our breaths together through kisses.
Moans pull us tight unable to detach
Because we are now one together.