My best friend told me I’m in love with love
At first I didn’t think anything of it
But now I see it
I really am in love with the concept and everything that comes with it

This isn’t a good thing
Matter of fact it’s the complete opposite
Just the thought of having someone to always talk to and even go on dates or just cuddle sounds great
But at the same time I feel weird about it all

Having someone depending on me
Someone who isn’t my parents or friends isn’t something I like so much
In the movies it seems all great
Probably because it isn’t me or romantic movies are hardly ever accurate

I get so wrapped up in a fantasy
By fitting into the idea of what I want in a partner
So then I could mark all the checks on the list

It’s clear that I’m different from all of you
There’s this click and I just never felt it
From outsiders looking in it will appear just fine
But I’m on the inside where I really shouldn’t be
I don’t like the same things as you all
You’ve probably gotten tired of my follow up question to whatever it is you’re talking about because I never know what it is you mention
And plus you’ve been friends longer than I’ve been apart of this group so I don’t know what I should do
There are times like this where I could go back to the way it was
Even if they were toxic I know I never had to feel this way

When you told me about your plans for next year
I just smiled and listened without any worry
Just the through made you oh so happy
This is something you have been thinking about for a while because I remember the story you told me
As you talk about the loads of paper work
you still smile through it all
Because now you know one of your biggest wishes is so close you can see it
You’re my best friend and I want to always see you at your best and with a genuine smile placed on your face
But you’ll be in another country with a time zone
12 hours ahead of where we are now so I get sad
I will probably be lost without you and that thought makes me anxious and scared
Our friendship will be able to endure something like this right?
What if you find someone who gets you in a way I probably never have?
Call me selfish but I don’t want you to leave
I am trying so hard to look on the bright side and it’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a while
I know my words will never be able to do justice
But please promise me that you will not replace me

I’m sitting in a desk with a class full of people

Each of them occupied by different conversations

Binders and backpacks being moved around

Laughs and harsh whispers could be heard all around

There’s hardly times where everyone isn’t talking

But as I sit through the midst of it all

I have never felt so alone