how can you be happy when you're missing your smile?

I wish they weren't memories, that they never existed. That they weren't dreams that haunt me each night.
That they weren't thoughts that run around my mind each day.
I wish they weren't real because the more I think about them the more the heartbreak becomes real, the more my eyes start to water and my mind starts to  seek blame on my heart when it knows it wanted just as much as my heart wanted.
I wish I'd stop thinking, just for once, Because for once a day without you would heal what's left of me.
I wish I could forget every single touch that sent a fiery burn on my skin, that I'd forget the tingly kisses you trailed down my neck, the sound of your husky filled with lust voice.
The look you would give me as if trying to decipher me, the look that seemed to only belong to me. I wish they weren't real, that they never existed because I'm still hurt and I don't know how to move on.
How do I move on anyway? You refuse to return my heart back.

Being with you has to be one of the most heart wrecking thing I've ever experienced.

Surrounding myself with you and communicating with you is a constant reminder of how much I'm falling for you while you're intensively falling for him.

Accept me for me.
And I will accept you for you.
I won't judge you or hold grudges against you, I won't make you feel inferior neither will I act like your superior.
I'll do my best to be support you and stick with you even if you hurt me...

But accept me for me, I'm a little messed up, crazy and bipolar.
I am what people call different?
I am what people call a social outcast because I am all in one a ****, a nerd, a geek or whatever you call it.
I'm a bookworm, a wallflower, I like to stick on my own but I do like to go out.

I'm not a serious person because being serious comes with horrific memories of my past so forgive me, forgive me for being childish, its a defence mechanism against this Canvas of pain that surrounds me...

Accept me for me and I'll accept you for you...

One day she may beg for your forgiveness.
One day he may come back crawling.
One day they may want to sort things through.
They may want to get back what was lost because they miss you...

But for now they are walking away from you...

On a scale from one to ten.
I think about you 24/7.

To forget you, I thought I would delete our messages.
Our pictures together, even your number.

I then remembered all the memories are carved in my heart and burned in my mind.

I am moving on.

I have my eyes set on the stars,
My mind landed on the moon and my heart exploring the planets.

It no longer hurts when they talk about you, neither does it stain when I see you...

I've moved on.
I'm not in search for a chemical equation to help me feel complete, I am not trying to find myself a covalent bond, an ionic or even metallic bond.

I realised I am like the noble elements,
Like Neon, Helium, Xenon and Argon I am complete without you...
I am the perfect balance.
I don't need you...
I'm happy,
I've moved on.

I want you...

In ways that I cannot define.

I miss you...

My heart beats less without you as if I'm dying.

I'm lost without you...

My heart is constantly searching for you that I'm usually never aware of where I am.

I need you...

I literally feel complete with you.

Be mine.

Because I promise to give you all of me in ways I have never. I'm usually never one for emotions but for you, I'll try, I'll put in extra effort because I care and you mean so much to be. So Please be mine. Allow me to do my very best to make you happy.
I don't believe in happy endings but if they ever exist I hope that you'll be it. My fairytale, My happy ending.