I want something that I cannot have. I cannot have it because I don't truly know what it is. I've seen it polished and propped as if it were on display and I've heard the stories of how much time and effort it took to make it look as such. But I want it. I want love. I want the idea of it at least.
I want the fights brought about by events simpler and less important than the time we wasted to have them. I want to be pained by the sight of her pain and know that the feeling of knives piercing my chest when I see her cry is there because I would literally drive them there myself, if only to prevent her tears.
I want our laughs to intertwine over the smallest things and our conversations to stretch our minds over the biggest. I want to see you sleep at night and I'll smile because I know that you're finally at peace. And I want you to smile when you wake up because you know that I'm fighting to make your reality better than your dreams.
I want love. I want romantic love, I want crazy love. I want passion. I want to pick you up in my arms and in that brief present get lost in your presence. I want to be in you when I am in you and have you wish that I would stay forever. I want to be in your heart and mind, and I want our love to be torturous and blind.
I just want love. I want the idea of it at least.

My face is pale
I can't breathe
The thought of me dying,
left him at ease
My murderous husband,
Squeezes the life out of me

My knees are weary,
as I plead on onto cold, solid ground for his forgiveness
I pray to god,
He will leave me be
I attempt not to cry
For my murderous husband will see the weakness in me

My mother said,
Never let a soul see you cry
They will take advantage of you,
and leave you to die

If I die young, don't let my family put me in a church or place they deem holy, for its not holy to me.

If I die young, lay me down by the roots of an old oak tree.
Let the wind blows my hair and caress my cold skin

If I die young, take care of her.
Take care of the girl I taught like a daughter and loved like a sister
Teach her everything is okay and that I was once ashes and I will be ashes once more.
Tell her I loved her and give her all my possessions
Teach her that I will be okay and I will watch over her as she grows up strong and wise like I taught her.

If I die young, take care of  my children.
The ones who fight against their monsters with battle axes and confidence that I'll be proud of them
Tell them I died fighting just as they are now
And tell them never to give up because I'm still so proud.

If I die young, burn me with the logs of trees long dead
Let my ashes spread through the sky and fall like fresh snow
Make sure to give everyone my best.

If I die young, please
Please don't forget about me