I'm feeling empty without her depressed and I'm becoming more stressed with each un answered text I know I'm annoying and this is just toying with my emotions I'm glad she's happy without me I just wish she couldn't replace me.. But I'm replaceable and I'm never good enough, I never will be I'm destined to be with my anxiety throwing up unexpectedly... Just wishing I was acepted for me..

Im finally breaking
The knife in my hand shaking
The blood from my finger tips begin to slip onto the floor, Suddenly theres a knock at my door I try to clean it up I whipe away the tears as they walk in only to see the man thats caused all of this again, Depression cold blades and medication just dont mix its like a sweet little twist it stings a bit but just hurts in the end as the last few drops drip I begin to slip into the darkness again only to wake up and do it all over again is it me or is it you nevermind irts probably him slipping the **** into his veins  again to threaten me once more and out of everything he calls me a ******* ***** well hes a **** got 9 kids and only know 2 its kinda depressing but its hard not to be in a time like this you dont want to be recollecting any of
memories so I lock them in a safe untouched but dangerous dont open it if I do I begin to break down and give in and it all starts over again as the blood drips from my fingertips I began to slip into the darkness yet again...

i see beauty in the terrible &
i see perfect harmony in ugliness
shock pain destruction ruin,
the truth: the above is more whole and juicy between the teeth
than years of singing sparrows

& i see the perverted beauty in damage
- wreckage & shrapnel -
broken cracked stained objects
have their own crooked appeal

i lust for bruises, broken hearts, broken bones, addicted tongues
for the red eyes born of insomnia, sorrow, substance abuse
i want the literal & metaphorical dirt under your fingernails  
there's a sick sweetness in awful secrets
but factory fresh is bland & tasteless

Baby its dark out there,
And well its cold too cant you feel the air, Baby please dont go out there the mist is thick and the street light in the distance is just saying stay here with me as it flickers in the distance, wait did you see that over there the tall man he wears a suit all black with no face full of fear even hes saying stay here but he doesnt care anywhere you run baby and hes going to be there he will still your soul so just stay here and I promise I will only still your heart with my words of love with no signs of fear so just listen hear missy  I love you and please stay here

**** this **** im ending it suicidal thoughts? Well thats just it weapon in hand ready to spill blood razer blade or bullet? Which should i choose one with a bang or one with a slit how about this? I slit my wrist and just sit in this **** my own blood soaking in the bath tub oh here I go I begin to slip so let me put my hand on the trigger and wake myself up I pull down hard and tight and the next thing i know im wide awake looking right at the bathroom wall
I can see all my thoughts mostly about suicide though as they all reach the floor I begin to hear a knocking at the door "are you okay" screams of terror and even more a why would he do this here and there well I was depressed and no one listened anymore But now as you hold my lifeless body in the floor im so glad you can adore me

Look at us our worlds destroyed yours more recently then mine but look time will make it all okay one day sonner or later Days will pass where you dont even think of there name anymore. I described myself but you say im describing you, I
. dont understand this its almost like . worlds coincide, I've begin to think less about suicide and just more about me being by your side its crazy sweet how you sweep me off my feet that adorable smile and those eyes i could just loose myself for a while I haven't smiled like this myself in a while its nice to think a Maybe and hopefully a one day? Not one day soon but one day in the works
time has healed all the damage and maybe i can be the bandage For all the pieces he left behind

Suicide,  best suited for the inside. Plastic wrap laid down nice and neat. Its going to be a sweet little treat when my mother breaks through my locked door seing me lifeless in the floor. Im so glad you can adore me now after all the silence thats made me violent not twards others but myself my inside ate itself destroying itself with overthinking leading me to this dark place where my eyes will never open again ill never have to worry about this silent pain again..