I had a nightmare you weren't with me anymore. I woke up in a panic, and you were at my door.
Told me that you loved me and you had to leave. My nightmare became reality in the seams.  


I cried for days when you were gone, my tears became a ocean of sadness. I tried and tried to forget your eyes, but all I remember were the sweet times.

I tried to forget and I tried to hide, the feelings I felt deep inside.

I will not be silent to spare feelings
all at once insensitive and too sensitive.
I will not re-learn self hatred to spare the ego of a boy hiding in a man's body.

It's not shallow women who reject you
It's you.
Your personality scares us off before your appearance ever could

Self fulfilling prophecy
Self defence
Time to take ownership

We will not be your scape goats
Your reason for being miserable
We were not put on this earth to mend your broken heart.

We are free.
We are owned only by ourselves.
We will reveal our claws when provoked.

My sharp tongue is hidden behind painted lips.
I turn so you don't see eyes that roll
instead of eyelashes being batted
I stay detached because it's the only way I can protect myself.

If I call you out I'm called *****  
Extremist
******

What I am is proud.
Satisfied in my life.
Too smart to fall back into that trap.

A war above our heads
but we sit with a cup of coffee
as children play around
with paper boats and jump
in joy in muddy puddles
Who am I, in these
million strands of rain
I ask, from time to time
I do enjoy the blues and greys
I do enjoy the sad ways

-Kaya

your eyes remind me of the stars,
like the space i told my last love i needed.