The hollowness in my chest
Weighs down my heart
Down my lungs sink
And it becomes hard to breath
Secretly going crazy
The silence eats me
My hands shake rapidly
But no one notices me
Breathing in the cold air
Only to feel the sting it brings my throat
My nose turns red
While i’m left in the cold
I should’ve known
You would’ve ripped my warm heart out of my chest
Made me feel hollow
And left me in your cold

Can you see the darkness behind the beauty
The lies behind the love
The pain behind the laughs
The cries behind the smiles?
I don’t think you can
Because I’ve been like this for a while.

Thought I was chasing my dreams
Yet I was just trapped in a nightmare
And I was never chasing anything
I was just running from my fears

I could speak all day on how I have faith
Yet
Truth is,
I don’t have faith
I would like to believe I trust myself
Yet I barely put an ounce of love on that shelf
I don’t have faith that the right person will come and take my love
Because I am scared
I am scared that if I gave into anyone
That if I even trusted my love with you
That it’s just going to hurt that much worse when I let you go
I’ll have that much less faith in myself the next time I even try to love
I’m scared that you’ll say all these nice words to me
And possibly mean them
But I won’t trust myself
And blow the only chance I had at loving you
I’m scared that if you saw who I really am you’d leave
And want nothing to do with me
And in all honesty I really couldn’t blame you
Yet I could blame myself.
I could have faith that all my friends right now are loyal
That they would never talk about me behind my back
I could trust them with anything
I wouldn’t even be ashamed
Yet I have been played
And most of yall just sit there and smile in my face
It’s like getting on a plane ride
And trusting in the pilot to fly me safely
But then the rumors come like birds flying into the engine
Then down goes the plane
Because there is the same flock of birds flying back my way
Why won’t they just stay in their cage?
Don’t any of you realize
You’ve made me this way
Do it again lie to my face you’ll be another bird ruining my plane
The true friends are the pilots
Trying to guide me out of the bird’s way
Yet instead they get brought down with me
My real ones don’t deserve this
I’m the one who need to take the blame
I have a couple of parachutes
Hopefully they’ll escape while they can
I’ll stay though because the day this plane finally crashes
I hope those little birds will finally realize their damage
So much for flying this plane to heaven
I could have faith in myself
But I am not going to lie to you because I need you to have faith in me
I have been hurt
The kind where you stay up at night
Wondering what you did to deserve this
What is your purpose
Do I even belong here
Does anyone see my tears
I loved and I trusted
And that just got me here
Questioning everything
Everyone
I know I am hard of hearing
But it seems like I’m not the only one who can’t hear
Or do you choose not to listen?
These are the same people I’m supposed to have trust in?
Have love for
Tell them everything every little sore
If you could see my heart
You’d ask
What’s that little clump on the floor?
Where’s yalls heart at
I don’t see them anymore
All I hear is she’s this or he’s that
All this makes me mad
Why can’t we just love each other
Is that so bad?
Is it so bad to accept each other
No matter gay, straight, bi, or trans
No matter the color of skin
Not matter what music they listen to
Or if they fit in with a trend
Can’t we all realize
Everyone needs a friend
Everyone needs to spend
Just a little more time seeing who I am
Who you are
Who he is
Who she is
Who we all are
Because that is what we need
To be able to have faith in each other.

As Morning’s grow older
Night’s last longer
Sleeping wide awake
Thinking about which way to take
Should I have money or be poor
And as I open one door
The other comes to a close
When that happens a friend I’ve come to know
Taps my shoulder
So I close the door so the old one will open
And that’s just what my friend was hoping
And he just laughs at my face
Repeating I don’t have the strength
He reminds me of all the reasons not to
Most of all he reminds me to be scared
But today is different. I will not care
I will not care if this door will hurt me if I open it
Instead I will open this door so my friend will not fit
I’ll give him a taste of his own
And scare him to the bone
I’ve chosen to to be rich but poor
So I can learn to Love more
And my friend, fear will be no more
And as I open this door I am greeted
I am greeted with hope, Love, and forgiveness If only I hadn’t second guessed to begin with.