my heart used to wonder about all

of the foreign places we’d visit and the

translucent stops we’d make in cute bookstores

where you’d delicately place me up against a creaking

bookshelf and rest your lips between my legs.

you were supposed to help me save the world.

I was supposed to drink salt water from your ocean eyes.

instead we’ll sit in a room together blind folded,

our tongues no where to be found,

our hands holding each other,

and our hearts loving one another other,

all while not knowing where we are.

please leave. (leave her)
stay with me forever, even if you’re not with me. (don’t leave me bc u care for someone else)
keep me in your chest (always have love for me)
don’t let the banging scare you (i’ll get upset bc you don’t want me like you want her, but it’s okay)
don’t say i love you more than once (tell one person you love them, not both me and her)

"you are extraordinary
you are the butterflies that come out once a year.
you are the unexpected last drop of honey." (for u)
"he is extraordinary
he is the butterflies that come out throughout the year.
he is the well anticipated last drop of honey...
and it's all yours.

there are treasures buried beneath his eyes, I swear it.
you may lose hope in finding it some days
but I promise it's there
even when he swears to God you'll never find it.
that's only because he never has.

his heart pumps blood to your heart and he doesn't realize it.
that's because he doesn't mean to.
he doesn't mean to love you
he doesn't mean to make you feel like the prettiest girl in the world
and he most certainly does not mean to help you paint futures on canvases which sometimes may feel like murals.
he doesn't have to try.
that's the thing.

he runs.
not outside...
because as you probably know...
he hates it.
instead:
he runs away
he runs to
he runs with
and he runs and runs until he doesn't have to anymore.

as you probably know:
his eyes tell you his secrets.
yes.
the ones he swears he'll never tell.
his nose listens to your heart
because it's all he wants to hear.
his ears feel your sadness
because it's what he wants to ****.
his lips touch your body even though you're so far away because they speak in tongues only your body knows.

he will care about all you have to say because your mind is where he wants to go.

he will purge your mind because in it is a treasure you hold.

he will stay up until you fall asleep and wake up before you because he doesn't want to miss anything. he doesn't want to miss you." (for her)

his breath smelled like that of an addicts.
he smokes cigarettes now.
I think she put him on.
I don't recognize the person he wants to be.
the reason why he can't love me always changes and I believe that is why he can't ever answer the question.
I don't want to set a plate on a table for someone who may never come.
but I will still open the door for you if you decide to come.
you don't give me hope anymore, in fact you give me reasons to go.
but I'm tired of leaving.
it's your turn.
it's your turn to tell me you'll never knock on the door.
it's your turn to tell me your lips will never touch the fork that's been there for 3 Christmas's.
it's your turn to confess that I was just a void that you wanted to fill.
that your need for me was that of a curious kids'.
I was something you'd never had but not at all what you had expected.
you are something I've never had but that's to be expected.

I think about you every day still.
I think about holding your hand because that's my dream.
I promised I'd keep you on like the favorite sweater
I never get to wear, but you're coming off on your own.
I want you to fall in love with the way I do things only you notice
but you're not.
you're falling in love with her
because I opened you up.
I sometimes think she's closing you up.

I'll never be tired of waiting for you,
just tired of hurting over you.
you know I hurt,
but you don't care enough to run to me.
you don't care enough to ask to hold my hand.

it feels like a pat on the back when we talk
it doesn't feel like 'I love you but I'm scared to tell you' anymore.
it doesn't feel like 'I like her but I love you'
it feels like 'I scared myself into not loving you'
it doesn't feel like 'I'm taking some time so I can become the person who deserves to love you'
it feels like nothing.