https://soundcloud.com/aviisevil/lyrical-in-genuis ( visit this link )

when i was nine,
you punched the guy who
stole my teddy bear. that's how
we first met. i shared my peanut
butter and jelly sandwich with
you at lunch, because it was the
only way i knew how to say thanks.

when i was thirteen,
your family used to come over
to our house, and we'd have
dinner together. my parents,
your parents; my brother, your
sister. you and me.

when i was fourteen,
i dated a boy three years older
than we were. you were always
worried that something would happen,
you didn't trust him. i never knew
it was because you loved me.
you were right.

when i was fifteen,
my boyfriend hit me. he punched me
because he thought i was flirting
with a friend. he drove me, unconscious,
to a hospital, but we crashed into
another car. he was drunk. your
parents and mine were in that car.
your dad died, and so did both my parents.
i never knew so much pain.

when i was seventeen,
we dated for a while, but then
you went away. you never called,
never answered my calls. it was like you
disappeared from the face of the earth.
i lost my best friend, i lost the boy i loved.

when i was twenty-one,
i met you at a masquerade party
thrown by one of our friends. you didn't
recognize me. i found out you were
in a car accident, and you'd lost your memory.
we started again, from the beginning.

when i was twenty-two,
we fell in love all over again.
you started to remember little things
from the past, but to me you were always
the same parker i had always known.
the same parker i fell in love with.

when i was twenty-three,*
you asked me to marry you.
i said yes. but people are people,
and sometimes we change our minds.
i remember crying, pressing the ring
into your palm, telling you i couldn't do this.

when i was twenty-four,
our best friends got married. i met
you at the wedding, and we decided to
give it another shot. it worked, and we
finally, finally tied the knot.

when i was twenty-five,
we had our first child. he was a handful.
you were a doctor, i was a lawyer.
both busy, both new to this life.
we had our first fight at 2.33am,
and i ran out of the house. you followed me,
and told me i'd never be alone. i believed you.

now, i'm twenty-seven.
we had another child, a beautiful girl.
but you're never home. your
job keeps you out till late at night,
and i never know where you are.
i saw you at the grocery store, with
another woman. i was upset, i accused
you without even knowing what was
going on. i was wrong. i told you
i wanted a divorce. the look on your face
made my heart break.

i regret it. i regret everything.
but if i could go back in time
and meet you again, knowing
i would end up losing you, i would
still choose to love you, because
loving you was worth losing you.
we were always parkerandlissa,
neither complete without the other.

i'm so so sorry,
and i will miss you.

1st Verse/16 Bars
I'm trying to earn more pennies to mark me a moment in life,
A moment in time, I should probably drop this razor sharp knife,
I need to Push forward through this crowd of confusion,
But your in delusion with these rhymes that I'm using and abusing
Cos I'm confusing, consuming, choosing and amusing myself,
refusing so I'm producing more tracks for consuming and wealth,
Snapping your neck at every single beat, whilst you're tapping your feet,
So all  sit back with some popcorn you're in for a much needed treat,
I ponder and wander in my mind sometimes as I see painted pictures,
when I paint I find a story or a rhyme using these triggers,
Whilst I play with words that take years to carve and curve,
something harder to learn and yearn into something much more worth,
More to you than me so my life had, meaning from my birth,
Ripping up turf, trying to find words beneath the core of earth,
So I rap in metaphoric tongue because I'm using poetic justice,
you're frowned from above whilst you try master and craft this.

(Chorus 1)
In order to survive,
Do all you can in life,
Make yourself feel alive,
In order to survive.

(2nd Verse/14 bars)
I use a form of speech that frees the soul to reach your own goal,
so you won't be buried inside you'll confide in deep parts using coal,
to set fire to bars you spit, ripping and fitting every single hole,
Whilst I rap I'm reforming and morphing them into some sort of mold,
Because while I'm hitting, n knitting bars like threads and then sowing,
the lawn whilst I'm mowing n showing people I'm always growing,
in capacity and trying to shove off some of the animosity,
the world's in atrocity whilst I'm producing I feel it subconsciously,
As we would say in Great Britain would you like a cup of Rosie Lee
and then In France they say no musketeers without the three,
but I found me as I perfect and refine every single line,
lyrics so evil I'll be committing a grade A crime,
in time for these dimes to drop without single a fine,
Lyrics so sour you may as well **** a lime.

(Chorus 2)
In order to survive,
Do all you can in life,
Make yourself feel alive,
Find a future or wife,

(3rd Verse/14bars)
I can rap like I'm insane but other rappers are plain,
No strawberry or chocolate just vanilla milkshake,
I dream of crowds shouting my name not in vain,
Because within this ink I'm pouring my soul through pain,
Razor, scissors and chainsaws will cut you all the same,
Like these lines that will cut you up whilst I'm in the game,
i hope you realise but this whole rap is one big metaphor,
A rise to the fame and all the glory comes with downpour,
Crying so hard he might flood the whole ground floor,
Biting so hard into the rap hes got lockjaw,
I hope my next song will be featuring someone who killed a
situation to diffuse the rhyme from the bigger picture,
I'm Slitting my veins to bleed and produce on this page,
trying to push and pull salary above the minimum wage.

(Chorus 1x2)

dear daddy,
you were there throughout my
childhood, but when i
say that i mean it physically, of
course. you weren't really
there emotionally.

dear daddy,
as i grew up i watched you
fight with my mom,
i sat through the cold dinners
and at ten i watched my mum
slam a calculator on the table
before walking out the door.

dear daddy,
i was sixteen when you kicked my
brother out of the house. he was
only fourteen, daddy,
he couldn't look after himself.
it was your ****** pride, that's
what it was.
yours and his.

dear daddy,
at seventeen we barely spoke,
i remember the bitterness
i held in my heart;
you couldn't even get a proper job,
couldn't even look after this family,
made mom do all the work.
my brother didn't live with us,
he was at an aunt's house, far away from
the fire we knew would start if you
both were in the same room.

dear daddy,
twenty crept up on me like a ghost
and i saw the lines in your face
age catching up with you as
you began to forget,
where your keys were,
whether you brought your phone back from
the car, what time dinner was.

dear daddy,
twenty-one now, and i still
don't know how to feel about you.
you tried your best, i suppose,
and i love you with a sort of grudging
nonchalance, because who am
i to tell you that you need to change?

dear daddy,*
i'm conflicted. i love you because
i know i should, because i
admit you're human too. you tried
your best, i know you did
and i wish i could change my mind
but i hope you'll forgive me
for seeing a stranger when i look at you.

a lot of times, it's the little things
things that **** me off,
things that make me smile,
things that make me for a
second
forget who i am.

because what difference
does it make,
whether i laugh or cry
or punch a wall with
my fist?

as long as you get what
you want;
an emotional response,
you'll be satisfied.

and in that way, the little things
don't really matter at all,
because why should we care
why we laugh, or why we cry?
(or even why
we punch a wall?)
for as long as we know
we have not lost the ability
to feel,
to be,
to exist,

we are living.
and that is the most important of all.

A little birdy told me, hearts and souls are mouldy,
Walk with me, talk with me on this journey of doubt,
You'll question people and you'll question the drought,
of honesty people lie about, because It's time to scout,
For people of kindness on earth,
From birth, I think I've been cursed
It gets worse, as I rap this verse,
I'm trying to explain how life can be complicated,
Because we're all intoxicated, muffled in fumes of disease and fleas that cling onto your skin,
Use the energy within, and repel them this is where your journey will begin,
I've been searching for a moment or a pin, point in time,
When these rhymes and lines will be classed as devine, as I perfect and refine,
I'm just wondering how many times I can assign the same rhyme, so all sit back with a glass of wine, whilst I intertwine every line, lyrics so evil I'm committing a crime, maybe I'll get a statue, maybe a shrine, I need to switch it up so let's all decline, but you'll remember this verse as one of a kind.

Whilst I'm standing still over this hill, I think of moments in life that gave me a thrill,
But I remembered the pain and I remember the chill,
Of the cold dampened hearts that never seemed to spill,
Love or affection, like it's protection they need during the question, should I mention, you never gave me attention,
Like the worlds in one convention and I'm stood outside looking in,
I grin, whilst I use these forces buried within, to show people in verse what I mean, before the planet isn't green, before the seas collapse and wind is no longer a breeze,
We freeze in an ice block, tick Tock, tick Tock we stopped the clock.

But no body hears me so everyone listen up,
Stop what you're doing and please raise a cup,
For stopping global warming and extinction of animals, because we're all valuables on this tiny spec of galaxies,
Yet governments plan strategies, to profit from the tragedies, they keep us all living in fantasies, but strike in catastrophes
So let's help our families and all become one, before we've got none and everything we love and everything we feel is gone,
Putting a bet on the apocalypse, odds are 10 to none,
So hold hands with me now let's rejoice in song!

I had the privilege
of the first house - fly
of the season
last Sunday
A sign of things to come