I had a puppy
I'm happy to say
But my puppy
He died one day

I had a mom
To me she said
******* I think
Your puppy's dead

So my puppy I took
Way out in the yard
I dug her a hole
And read her a card

"**** you puppy
How dare you die
Leaving me here
Alone to cry"

The more I thought
About her death
And how I watched
Her last breath

I began to hate
This ****** mutt
Just laying there
Her eyes are shut

How dare you die
And leave me be
"It was a truck
What didn't you see?"

Stupid dog
I hate you now
You broke my heart
I'll get a cow

A cow you see
A gentle grazer
For when she dies
I can braise her

Until that day
She'll be my friend
We'll play fetch
My heart she'll mend

So ******* dog
You're inedible
This here cow
Will taste incredible

At first sight it was as if she was dancing.
Spreading a fire about the room with every gesture.
So many eyes transfixed on the wonder who held the room
Aoide made flesh?

Had I found the muse of song?
Should I ask her of Pegasus?
Had I ever seen more grace in her essence.
It could have only been in a sunset.

Inquired, inspired, insipid in my lust
To know of her thoughts, dreams, and fears
So that I may slay the dragons
And stand alone before her emerald eyes

Who am i kidding?
What have I done?
I can't win this heart.
With satirical puns.

Dragons and Aoide.
What was I thinking?
This girl is too wise.
She'll know I've been drinking.

But still though there's something.
It must be implored.
What this girl offers.
It can't be scored.

You only get moments.
To stand in her sun.
Cherish these seconds.
For others there's none.

A Viking you see.
Stands at her door.
He'll laugh in your face.
And you'll be no more.

She says her heart.
Is rotten and black.
Though its words to me
Are like that of crack.

I beg of you friend
To know of me this.
To be but a thought on your mind
Is as good as a kiss.

I want so desperately to believe the illusion.
To think I can be one of those people.

I like to listen to other people. The things they say.
What they did. Where they went. Who they were with.

I kid myself sometimes.
I let myself believe I'm one of them.

Till I'm staring at a bottle of scotch at a table alone.
The bottle reminds me. It's just a dream.

I drink but I do not curse them. I don't blame them.
I wouldn't want me there either.

Still though.
What it must be like.

I won't find out in this lifetime.
In this life it's just me and the Jameson.

Family gatherings. Holidays. Parties.
I watch them on tv and wonder.

What is that like?
To be surrounded by people who want you there.

Every acquaintance I have is paid for.
I rent out the illusion of inclusion.

I pretend that where I am is where I'm wanted.
Until I've fixed the railing or solved the problem.

Or handed over the cash.
Once this is done the illusion vanishes.

I'm asked to leave.
"You should go."

I hear that a lot.
Until the next time.

When they'll need money, ****, or me to fix something.
Then I can relish in the ideology.

For a moment.
I have a purpose.

Built with the strongest bricks
On this shaky terra firma
Cracks in my foundation
The structure still *****
Towering walls
Assembled with concrete
To shield..
Still under construction
I am the architect
Of my destiny.

NIGHT FALLS

night falls
to its knees
weeps a thousand stars

Piece by piece
the paint will peel.
Chiaroscuro,
tell me what’s real?
I touch, I cut
but I feel nothing.
In time, I’ll heal
but for now
I’m blushing.

© Matthew Harlovic

Gender give-or-take
is socially constructed
by social exchange

© Matthew Harlovic