have you ever believed
in something so blindly
so genuinely
that the moment you realize
it isn't true, something inside you
changes forever?
i wanna tell you a story, see
seldom do i ever
go swimming in drinks
deep enough to drown in
but when i do
i speak in tongues
about things that none
of my memories
are allowed to talk about
like that christmas
at the isthmus
where my girlfriend
plucked a conch shell
whiter than gods teeth
out of the sand
held it to her ear
and stopped time
that day she was a shade of blue
the could've made the ocean sick
see, she loved to play jokes
when she held
the sea shell to her ear
she gasped, called my name
and said "i want you to hear this"
i said "yeah, right, everybody knows it's just the same old sea"
she replied "no. not this one. this one is special. listen. theres music in this one"
she handed me the shell
like a promise she couldn't keep
and i held it to my ear
with all the potential
of seeing shore
after being stranded
at sea for years
only to hear
a tired dirge of silence
spill from its emptiness
i guess she didn't know
how desperately
i wanted to hear it too
because ever since
something inside me snapped
now sand pours out
of every post card i open
i hear seagulls
in telephone static
sometimes i have dreams
where i bury my hands
in every beach
i've ever been on
and exhume this graveyard of noise
every time i try to sleep
i spit up fishhooks
and i guess i'm obsessed
but maybe
if i hold my ear
to enough vacant things
then i could have back
the time stolen from me
since it happened
maybe they would get it
if they knew what i wanted
when i blow out birthday candles
maybe they'll find me
face down in a wishing well
i watch eternal sunshine
of the spotless mind every day
pretending i can forget too
because this sea sickness
has followed me for years
because yesterday
i walked into a music shop
and all the pianos broke
but the only thing
i can think to say is
*do you know how bad
a memory has to be
that you fantasize
about forgetting it?

She's like a field of wildflowers, beautiful, untamed
When the winter comes, I still will love her just the same
Beneath the veil of snow, I know she still remains
Waiting patiently, to be washed clean by spring rains

She's something like the sun, rays of warmth and love are beeming
I'm more like the moon, its hard to shine when I'm not feeding
Off of the light extending out, when it hits I have no doubt
I could live this life alone, but will not live this life without,
My wildflower

The boy went by Samuel and the girl by Beth
He planned for his future while she awaited her death
Never a likely couple, they put romance to the test
She had cuts on her wrists and a void in her heart
Still, he thought she was gods finest work of art
There were years of love, of picnics and fun
Never would you guess their romance would be done
But he thought he could fix her, rid her of her vice
When he couldn't, he felt his love couldn't suffice
Beth's cuts were deep and Sam's patience, thin,
One more slice and his temper would give in,
She tried to stop but still resisted the change,
She found his love exceedingly strange
It couldn't be taken, and alas she cut
He began stammering in rage, screaming, "WHAT"
He ran to the shed, knowing what he'd find there
And hoisted the axe, high into the air
Sam ran her down and looked her in the eye
And brought the axe down, screaming,
"If you want to die, die"

It's bad
It's hurtful
It's something I don't believe in

It's deceitful
It's disrespectful
It's something I don't believe in

It's upsetting
It's ridiculous
It's something I don't believe in

It's different
It's tempting
It's something I've done

She walked into the rain
as her silhouette disappeared into the narrowing alley
while some were fast asleep
while others dreamt about dreams
the ones yet to come
and the ones that never occured.

She walked
she simply walked
thinking nothing.

She heard
an old restaurant closing
pots and pans noisily complaining
about the cranky chef
and greedy customers.
Dreaming of being in the Queen's kitchen
But oh well,
They'd be the same every night.

She saw
A homeless guy
and his dog
sleeping cozily amongst the trash cans
Perhaps he dreamt of a college degree,
a roof and assured morsels
The dog,
about being with his master.

She smiled
At the little girl
Looking at her mother's flowers
For they have bloomed
Just for a day
To know what it feels like
To be alive.

I survive, I strive, I sacrifice, I strengthen
I live, I lie, I let down, I learn
I differentiate, I decide, I demand, I deduce
I respect, I revive, I redefine, I redesign
I am, I analyze, I articulate, I anticipate
I conquer, I condescend, I confine, I cultivate
I improvise, I initiate, I inspire, I invent
I grieve, I gather, I grumble, I grapple with my inner demons
My life in a few words, nothing I can't overcome or handle
because I am who I am, don't matter what people think of me.