Flowered walls and pictures with scenes

of young girls
Only dressed to be seen.

A record player and a too large bed

A lonely girl who was lost in her head

She was waiting
Waiting
Waiting

For a savior

And not the Jesus that her father gave her..

Her religion became
Books
Music
Thoughts

Anything that could take her away
From those four walls.

From the nothing
That was
Every.
Single.
Day.

Like a shell

Wandering halls
And bus isles

Empty hallways
That were her home

A tiny
Small spirit
Who was all alone.

Nothing changed.
There was no one and nothing to find.

The thing that she looked for

Was only in her mind.

Hi, my name is NotGoodEnough
But you can call me:
BadListener
Uninterested
Indecisive
TooTired
Lazy
Boring
Uncomfortable
Insecure
Or Unfocused
                          At least, that's what he calls me

A vital connection
remains at ready..
We have cleared the brush
before
once or more
but brambles return
clouding our vision
erecting prison bars..
So press the button
for clarity's return
for exile relieved
for grace revealed..

I remember you in the worst ways
in flesh flayed from my bones
and exposed nerves in my brain
that hang my words.
and stiffen my spine.
and the catch in my throat,
when he asks to hear my music
or to hear me sing
I freeze
and grow quiet because now I'm afraid
though he has kind eyes
one day his words will come harsh like yours
This is your legacy
fear written in my skin
and an inability to let someone care for me.
I'm stuck in this
and I'm so tired of you
being in my head,
that every negative thought comes branded
In your voice.

“And you are fire,”
Did you see it?
The shooting star madness
Deliriousness… speak
Squeal something
Don’t recognize this
Don’t know what it is.
Do you see
Ice melting off my fingers
The board at my back
My hand in the flame
I’ve never had someone know,
Who wasn’t made to see
with time
or talent
or speech