I count the stars each night before I lay to rest
I try to connect the dots between the freckles on my skin
I run my fingers over my scars like they’re ink on paper
Unable to be erased, and scribbling them out would only make them appear more obvious
I wish I could forget myself even for a little while
I wish to pluck my heartstrings and release the song I’ve been keeping inside of myself for far too long
The intense pressure that would be lifted from my being would be enough to allow me to fly
If only.
I wish to float in an ocean of dreams without sinking to the bottom
Or becoming seasick.
I wish the sun wouldn’t blister my skin
In the same way that your love does.
I wish the ringing in my ears would cease even just for a second so I could peacefully listen to the song I’ve had drilled into my skull for days now
I just want to get it out.
As fall arrived I remember feeling such a dread deep in my bones as I realized it would not be an easy one
Like a blanket falling over me I was covered in goosebumps with alcohol surging through my veins as my bloodshot eyes opened their gates and the tears started to flow
I just wanted to lay in the grass with crumpled leaves in my hair and count the stars as I took my last breath
I feel like I wasn’t asking for much.
I just wanted the air flowing through my lungs to cease like the aftermath of a mid-october hurricane
And I wanted to feel my heart slow to the point where it emulated the drums of that song I couldn’t get out of my ******* head no matter how much I tried to muffle the sound
But I wasn’t so fortunate.

The way in which goosebumps electrocute and run down my skin when I awake, to shield from the cold mornings -
Is the same way I cast myself closed when your presence threatens me, so I don’t melt into my weakness.

Mum turns the heating on but I still shudder.
You slip away but I still suffer.

I promised her
A G-Wagon and a Camaro SS
Had her thinkin that I was the best
And we gon make it out the hood.
I had promised her
That we gon build a business together
And... You know what?
**** this weather,
Its been raining all my life,

Hell,

"Baby you bout to be my wife."

I promised her a garden of sunkissed
Cayenne roses and
Crepe Myrtles,

Oh **** a graden of Crepe myrtles,
And an ****** from a drop of the finest wine
Fresh from a muscadine fruit.
I promised her the best time in our youth
And a sweet tooth,
She got a knack for sugar rushes
And blushes.

I promised her a gold and diamond pinky ring,
And a Mariachi Band
Dark purple amethyst stones
In her hands,
Laying down on a black sand beach.

Cause life's a beach,
But I gave her a tidal wave of lies..........

A storm is brewing,
And I found peace with ignoring her calls
For the past few days,
Getting lazy,
The air getting hazy
And maybe I'll hit her back when I'm ready.
Maybe I'll get her back when I'M steady,
Ready, willing and able.

She approached me,
"...I thought you said you don't like fables."
I said "Baby I read fairy tales growing up,
And my whole life has been a biography."
Because I feel like someone is writing down everything I do.
Even the love I had for you.
Never knew how to stay true,
But always stuck to myself,
Hell if it was possible,
Stuck to my wealth.

But try me,
Like James Brown to his "hands down."
That's my best friend.
Walk with me
Talk with me,
And watch how good I make you believe in my vanity.
Fall into my trap door,
You walk in on a cracked floor,
And when you fall thru,
I'll call you,
"The Queen of Stupidity"
Only because...
You really thought you was getting into me.

Dummy.