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  Jul 2014 marcela
Awkward
You say you're there for anybody
& only a phone call away

But where were you at 3am
When I couldn't breathe
& held that blade to my wrist

You care for everyone else
Except the one person who needed you
I needed you

You did nothing
Walked by me crying in the halls like I was a ghost
& if I choose to put this blade
To my neck instead of my wrist
& end it all tonight

I'm sure you'd laugh
& be perfectly ok
With the fact the ****** ***** is gone

So don't say you care
When you've made it obvious you don't
  Jul 2014 marcela
Jack
Helpless
A friend is in pain and I can do nothing
Tears flow of indecision…straining life, staining life
My heart breaks in two…then shatters on the salted dreamscape floor
Coming out of my own skin, ripping the stitches, molting along hollow tree branches
Miles between, so many miles, so much time falls from grace
Breathing is hard, tethered at the moments lost, the suffering imagined
Pacing the floor…finding worn carpet and hidden questions beneath a shallow basement
Wishing the words, those **** words, feeding the solution…would come
Hoping for anything, something, even the tiniest of splintering compassion I can offer
To help ease this weight resting squarely on the shoulders of the weakness that engulfs her
I have no answers, useless, like a block of wood in the offering plate on a Tuesday night
My mind is a vacant lot of empty parking spaces…handicapped and no hang tag
My eyes blur of forced darkness amidst the crowing raven circling overhead
I pound my fist into this meaningless existence breaking every bone of contention
Drowning in my own fear, treading water beneath the surface
Clenching my teeth in a vice like fashion
A friend is in pain and I can do nothing
Helpless
  Jul 2014 marcela
Tark Wain
Coffee stained sweaters
swollen bit lips
mistakes that stayed forever
wounds that never healed
apologies told
relationships mended
now that I have you
I'm reminded by how it ended

I search for tones in your speech
quivers in your voice
hints in your texts
movements in your body
I can't forget how we failed
how we might make it this time
and why either is
just as likely as the other

Do I love you?
Or am I just used to you?
  Jul 2014 marcela
berry
this is a series of brief letters to the pieces of my body

dear body,
we don't always work together very well,
but i swear i am trying.

dear hands,
the callouses and crescent moons in your palms
will not be for nothing.

dear knuckles,
aren't you tired of painting yourselves black & blue
every time words fall short of the fire burning behind my sternum?

dear feet,
you know better than to follow roads that lead to dead ends.
there are better places for us to go.

dear eyes,
you have sunken so far into my skull
it shocks me you see anything at all anymore.
you're fixated on shades of gray
but i promise the world will regain its color soon.

dear knees,
stop crawling.
this broken glass is from his bottles.
get up. no more blood.

dear shoulders,
it was never your burden to carry. let it fall,
and try your hardest not to feel guilty.

dear neck,
his hands will never make a home here,
and you are worth more than one night of empty bruises.

dear spine,
stop waiting to be warmed by fingers
that would reach for another body if they could.

dear tears,
do not waste yourselves.

dear ears,
you have been filled with ghost songs for too long.
stop listening for things no one is saying -
it will make life much simpler.

dear mouth,
i know these secrets have been threatening to break my teeth
but please do not open your gates. i am not ready.

dear skin,
we have never been close friends.
i am sorry for the scars.
i am trying to learn how to be comfortable in you.

dear mind,
if i could wish you into an etch-a-sketch
and shake you clean of these bad memories i would.

dear heart,
i hope you can forgive me for being so careless.
i feel how tired you are. rest is on its way.  

dear body,
you will one day see a grave,
but it must not be by your own hands.

- m.f.
marcela Jun 2014
Stop,you're making me sad.
You're making me think if our love was worth the time.
I keep wondering if all those words were true to my heart,
or just a lie to make you feel better.
I keep telling my heart to stop loving you,but it just won't listen because all those words you said to me keep playing like a broken record.
I-
I don't know what to say or do to forget you.
-m.f.g.
  Jun 2014 marcela
berry
nobody warns you about the first boy who tells you he wants to marry you.

nobody warns you about the tangible shift in the universe when he parts his lips to smile.

nobody warns you about the poetry he'll write you or how your knees will weaken or the melancholy hidden between the layers of his laughter.

nobody warns you that miles will morph into lightyears and you will curse the ocean for being the only thing that keeps his fingers from resting between yours.

nobody warns you about the day his sweater doesn't smell like him anymore.

nobody warns you that human hands are incapable of holding a person together.

nobody warns you that sometimes love is not enough, no matter how much you wish it was.

nobody warns you about the crippling nostalgia that renders you breathless.

nobody warns you about the nights when silence screams for your blood.

nobody warns you about the crater that forms in your chest in the middle of the night when he doesn't answer.

nobody warns you about how it's going to feel when he tells you he's in love with someone else.

nobody warns you that forever is a lie.

- m.f.
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