I'm laying in my brothers bed, I just needed a change of scenery. He's been dead since late September. No one even goes in his room. Like his bedroom is the coffin that we layed him to rest in.

No
     No
          No

This is the room we played games in, threw waterballoons & blasted trap music in. Where we climbed out your window into another universe. We dared to be stupid just because. He had thick brown hair, wide intimidating eyes. He would shove me off the bed, telling me to go die. Tell me one more time, I'll listen to your advice..

Vintage fabric, over lapping tan skin,
Flesh blushed red,
Cheek bones with more structure than your,
Life,
Live loudly boldly with no apology,
He said the confidence is eating me away,
I can't figure you out girl,
You're cryptography,
I can't fall in love with quaters of your body,
It's all or none,
You demand everything at once,
There so much room for seduction,
But I kept walking on by,
You don't fall in love with childhood friends,
To become friends with benifits,
To become nothing at all,
Except the memory of skin on flesh,
We have this conversation with our eyes,
As you tie the bathing suit back into place.

Swinging on a swing set, surrounded by old bullies, swing a little higher. Oops that was ****.

I plaster memories over faces,
Distant places in the present,
I dominate the room with the constant regrets,
Of yesterday 1978,
I pull the liquid thoughts,
Of what I can & cannot do,
Overlap it weighing,
Out the good & the good,
Don't tell me who I am,
You've got no right to be dating,
I'm your mother you'll do as I say,
Paper rain; origami,
Mailing needs to go to the vet today,
Today,
I'll have to dig her up out of her grave,
Today,
Tomorrow,
Yesterday,
Here & now,
I plaster faces over memories,
Room full of strangers could be enemies,
Get out of my house,
Get the hell away from me,
Daughter, brother, uncle,
Who are you,
It's hard being 20 when you're 93...

You ever picture insanity?
Monstrosity
Barefoot wineglass catastrophe

Oh-de-la-ly

Lifes like a cart return,
Filled with Cheshire cats,
Bad luck,
You broke your mothers mirror,

Drink from a cup that has been spilled,
He said his life is tipped over,
He gladly went home,

Loves no place for me,
Save your sermon,
It's not sunday yet,

I've got plenty of time to regret,
Future mistakes,
You will never
Deserve,
P
O
    E
        T
            R
                Y
Generally you will,
I only have words,
To fill swimming pools,
So we can drown once again.

Id be lying if I said I wasn't bitter.

I woke up drunk into the afternoon, heard the earths heart beat, listened to it swoon. Thought it a fool, for falling for the moon. But here I am, loving you.

Unless you're diabetic

Am I suppose to be sad

Like blinds & shutters, I shutter blindly.
I'll compare thee to a summers mid day dream. Because yout hot as hell, & a bit off the hook. Out there in space. You've got me hooked.

Raw tipsy apes, take away freedom with sips of glory. & pockets full of gold. While the mindless childless man lays on the ground. You've got some growing up to do. You've got some growing up to do. The man in the suit & tie or the one with no shoes. I'm not sure. Im not sure.

Writing to relieve this void,
But you're the cancer,
You're more than a void,
The heart break,
The three am screaming into a pillow,
The sobbing that racks my body,
Your abandonment has consumed me,
My words were suppose to make it better, but they're all jumbled broken pieces of 26 letters shoved and combined, into what was suppose to be a goodbye, but dad I made a shrine, out of this nothingness, I wish you would've been a part of my life.

Gnosticism guacharos, live disorderly, in the thick of the juncture. Junkyards plethoric, plagiarized with pandemonium, adapting to the actuality that were all inanimate commodities in well built bodies. Garage permeated minds...you cannot preserve a disposition. Then I shall have the upper hand my friend. Cracks in the side walk lead me home...

I lied and told her I ate, so I could take the medicine that makes me lose my appetite and stay up all night with fevers and cold sweats. Goosebumps that leak into my heart, they stay there unnoticed until the shivering begins to quake and ache and rock my body back and forth into a suicidal dream. But hey, at least I'll be skinny.

trampoline youth in revolt, got kicked off cause I'm too old. Tattle tail toddlers thought you were twenty. Forgot you grew up to be a Scrooge. I'll sit under this deck, rewrite old poems to a sutle headache that never goes away. You are my favorite pain.

“A burden of joy”
A joy so heavy you have to feel it
Hold it in your arms
Cradle it to your chest
Rock it steadfast to sleep

Men have you puking into trash cans,
With the thought of not being good enough, your life is on every back burner. Because sweet heart lets face it, this place is hell you're living in. Each tear is a knife to your face, a knife to the brain. Mental damage, but it's okay because he likes it this way.

You're nothing more than a mix matched soap opera boxed cardigan, that I pull tightly around myself. The wind picked up again. Pick up the phone man. I'll button back our conversations, cut off all the threads from the loosely hung hat on the back of your ill tapered head. If I've said I'm sorry, I'll say it a thousand times. My closets empty. I'm out of rhymes.

The life flew from your eyes,
Your secrets leaked from your brain,
Clean up on isle 4,
Who knew you'd be dead walking back,
Out the door,
Dead,
Predictable,
Lightning shook through,
As your body pulsed,
Concrete coffin,
At least the floor was swept,
I watched a man die tonight.

Do you have any vows to tell your woman. Hello young lover.

I want to know you...

It's been a long time naturally,
That'll I'll cry myself to sleep,
Soothingly,
Exhaust the brain until thinking isn't able,
Wash your cheeks dry with the memorys,
Pain doesn't go away Exspecially on cloudy,
Days,
This void radiates out of my chest,
You filled it so well...
Collate the broken shells of life...
I hate being human.

Whispered shivers, laughing lingers,
Uncomfortable silence,
I don't even know you,
My favorite bent photograph,
I use to sleep with as a kid,
You with a beer ****,
Under my pillow broken shells,
So maybe I could reach you from the sea.

I avoid you so superbly,
My thoughts fly by before I get a chance to try,
And write them down,
Scribble notes on back of receipts,
With four dollars left for a bottle of pop,
The air conditioner turns on,
And my soul jumps,
Maybe flys,
So far out,
I lost it,
I don't know what I love,
I thought it was you,
Sweet sweet words,
That were my own,
Created a Cacoon,
But now I run,
I don't stop to pace,
Back and forth,
Hello Poetry.

The lack there of,
The lack there of,
Was the fact there was,
There was,
No one to hold you,
No one,
When the whiskey,
Didn't **** the demons,

Shin splints, hit on vintage nightstands,
Already sore from the night before.
Lingerie spilled on the floor, lingering from one of your boy toys. It's okay expensive lip stick & high heels fix everything.

I'll pin you up against a wall, because darling you're a masterpiece. And it's easier to bite his lip, because you're not afraid to let it bleed.
Make him moan, you won't have to say anything tomorrow. It's easy to fall in love for the night, he's not the guy you were dreaming of. So wake up & realize you're shallow, & empty. More importantly numb. This room a coffin, terrible wonderful ***. Getting rich off of fake love, never having to get out of bed. They say it started with daddy issues.

Her hips are angel wings,
Taking her higher,
Than the pitches in her moans,
Take a deep breath,

Rag doll skeletons, empty broom closet
Gray shaded face, pie chart masterpiece

The chemo's got her this time,
Blood tests and radiation.

Taking my bestfriend

Pizza bagels & guacamole, thank God

If I look down, they'll be a thumb print. Branded on my hips, from all the nights you held me. Melded together, perfect minerals

I want to drive away, leave my heart behind. Buckle my thoughts up in the back seat. And shove all regards of my well being into the trunk. Gas pedal

I'm content on knowing who I am, and who im not. Unopened packages and a bouquet of forget-me-nots, laying on the burned dresser,
Doors that swing open from the inside out,
Shaggy carpet.

I never had time to frame the posters,
So I'll tear them down tonight,
The uneven weight of hammer in the palm of a shakey old mans hand,
Cause he'll work until he dies,
I don't know why you love me.

Egg shells and intimate objects,
Buried beneath this castle of a home,
Drapery made of fish scales & the darkness in your eyes, that'll never fade away.

You're the only person who's said my name,
With passion behind it,
I dance to Toms Diner by DNA,
Cause it drives me crazy like Legos in martini's,
Broken by Seether reminds me of your dead,
Mom,
Beat up skater shoes & chain link fences,

Inhale exhale,
For what?
You won't be counting the heart beats in my back,
As you slide my shirt off.

The pottery garden, we paint pots & dig pits for our brains to lay at rest after we smoked the pots that painted pretty pictures in your mind. Most everything is ashes, it's awfully beautiful in this modern age, conformed to the look of attraction young thugs in action. Green is green no matter how you got it to grow. Split it in half add another row, it use to be a garden now it's just a graveyard. You use to say how come, now all you say is why not...

Honey moon hum, humid hellos between half sucken cheeks. Hey ghost, red tail lights going north, I'll follow from afar. Out & about, God believes in you.

i hate you, why do you hate me?
i don't, I just want to test it out and see how it feels. Incase one day I do.* he smirked, **so you're one of those planning ahead types?

What's the point in living, no ones listening anyway. If I had to say goodbye, it would be this way. A sloppy half drunk poem, with no meaning. Goodbye

forks are knives in disguise, slitting your wrist with each bite.

how am I suppose to keep you safe,
I can't even protect myself.

God take my breath away, it's been a while since your words graced my lips.

Take me back to being a young girl,
When dancing down the streets of Jerusalem was an every Monday morning thing.

Take me back to your wonder of the world.

You're beautiful, he said.
Your hands are meant for mine,
Not rags to clean the floors,

It's my own **** fault.

My hands smell like smoke,
But I haven't used a ciggerate in three years,
My breathe smells like liquor,
But I haven't drank in ages,
Maybe I'm dreaming,
Maybe I'm dead,
Is this hell? Inside my head,
Maybe the LSD finally kicked in

I'll pretend for a little while,
That dreams are just chasing cars,
Down a road till there's a red light,

Digging through the drawrs,
Stacked neat folded thoughts,
Not my own,
It's a war were fighting,


My family thinks they're steps,
They're chairs, **** IT,
I hate the coushins people put on them,
They slide off and fall away,
I'd rather sit uncomfortable,
Than chase a pointless nothing,
At the back of my throat,

You calm me,
Nothing I could ever write,
Could make you understand a flightly bird,
Like me,

You're Jupiter,
Chosen from the rest,
A million light years away,
You hold my heart in your chest,
It's quiet inside,
Quiet inside,

A crack in the side walk,
Use to walk me to school everyday,
He never left, he never went away,
Be my crack in the side walk,
I love you, I hope you realize this,

The satellites parted, opening as her King stepped down onto the rings of Saturn. They'd meet like this each night, the Love gravitating her spirit towards Him. No telescope nor spaceship could ever come close to witnessing, the beauty of the eye of the beholder. And he beheld her. In the palms of His hands. His presence like oxygen, his tears like the guilt of life weighing down her back. The Stars danced for only her, and the sun only shone to come up and kiss her pale cheeks.    A father does whatever he can to make his little girl happy. But sadly I'm stuck on the earth, lighting my window on fire. Watching as the screen burns out. Thinking of the bruises along my back. A father is suppose to do whatever he can to make his little girl happy. One day I'll break your jaw, so I'll never have to see it clench up again, as you scream your worthlessness into my ears. I wish I was the reason that there was rings on Saturn.

Plucked the flying feathers from a young bird, to lazy to ask how they work. So she sits broken hearted, madly in love with the boy who named her flightless.

Whiskey weekends,
I promise im saved,
Round two,
Hands in the air,
Or on me,
Sweat dripping,
From lust filled minds,
Dance dance dance,
We laughed,
Over the glamorous house party lights,
He said im gonna get you so drunk,
You won't remeber what you said,
I said lets gooooooooo,
It's not beds,
It's walls and couched,
Keep it classy,
I'm too assy,
He said,
So many things,
As the clothes,
Dipped off the skin,
Saturated telephone poles,
In my drunken daze,
I looked up,
Whispering,
I promise I'm saved.

Bits & pieces of pixelated, ground up species.
We have conversations, but the conversing stops, when the lighting changes & the flirting fades. Between us we have nothing but a few soiled goods, & a bottle of cheap romance.


None of this poetry means anything, because your lips won't read the words. I knew you had fell out of love, when you...stop calling. The Cheez It's no longer held the same silly value. A back seat *****, you long forgot about.

I'd spend journeys, journeys with you. Lacing up laces. Crossed & laddered. Interweaving our emotions into one big shoe box. That no one will take off the shelf.

I feel nothing but a subtle head ache, missing & wishing the acid would kick in.

I'm Wendy Darling,
Where's all my lost boys?
They took Cap'n Hooks ship back to England.
Now I'll be forever a little girl,
In such a big big big world.
Where only men are in control.
They always say don't grow up!
Read us bedtime stories,
Even if it's stories you never wanted to read,
They don't even pay,
After you've stayed,
Tick tock tick tock,
Time my old friend,
Where have you been.

It makes me laugh inside,
The way it's always on time,


Never fails,
Every night 11:00pm,
It hits & it steals,
Every ounce,
Of happiness I have,

It takes it out the back,
Along with hope and love,
The tears start flowing,
Don't stop until 8 in the morning