If I
Erased all of you,
Wiped you from existence,
Smudged your kisses from my face,
Unwrapped your limbs from my body,
Ripped your page from the storybook.
A life without you.

This unconditional affection,
This unwavering acceptance,
This unselfish appreciation,
This unlike anything else,
Is life with you.

I would never know true love,
I would spend my time searching for it,
In everyone I met.
I would probably think I found it.
But it would be a tormented deja vu,
Existing after
Life with you.

Go alone
Go scared
Go overwhelmed
Just go.

Now is the right time.
You're thinking about doing it.
So go.

Do not talk yourself out of it.
Recall all the changes you've ever made:

Trick question - you cannot -

There’s immeasurably many
Just know that almost all have been uncomfortable.

It’s better to live with the regret of doing
Rather than having not.
Train yourself to try

You cannot circumvent the discomfort
You can welcome and embrace the growth.

Squirm
Twitch
Retch
Scream

Rid yourself of the doubt,
Dance your self clean.

When the curtain falls,
If there is nobody in the audience
Applaud yourself.

My good friend taught me that all you need is three suitcases.
A life can fit into three: two checked bags and a carryon.

What if I packed up all my possessions:
1.
My clothes.
My apprehension, doubts and fears tucked tightly away in packing cubes.
2.
My electronics.
My independence, self reliance and self love radiating brightly.
3.
My books.
My excitement, joy and optimism for a new chapter.

What if I did not renew my lease in September?
Whose approval am I waiting for?
Who do I think I will disappoint?

It does not have to be permanent.
It could be just a year.
And then it could change again.
Is that not the beauty of life?
Your life grows around the decisions you make.

You are never stuck.
You can decide.
Again.
Again.
Again.

Shared breaths, kisses, and laughter in a borrowed bed,
Two souls unbound, inhibitions shed, as morning light crept overhead.
Our lives didn’t halt but they intersected briefly.
Neither at fault, intertwined bodies, beliefs held deeply.
Dried up aching space,
Conversations I cannot retrace.

I am only left with the phantom limb of you
A vestigial appendage I had for just a night
Wondering if we had more time, would we have worked?
Did we only made sense because we were drunk?

How sincere were the tender forehead kisses you sowed?
Rose seeds took root in my mind,
Dawn’s light never came, nothing grew.
Should I water or salt them?
Thorns prickle, but blood drawn proves it was real.

Fleeting, ephemeral, and hazy recollection
Was it pity, naivety, hope or a combination?
How singular was this experience?
If we were not meant to be,
Will I spend my time searching
For your petals budding in strangers?

What I've learned is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you were the prettiest, had the most boyfriends, or even was the smartest. It doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, vegan, white, black... All these categories, created in an effort to limit people and attempt to understand them-- in the time we have on Earth. Enjoy. Live. Do whatever you want. And if you want other people to be part of your story, journey, adventure-- whatever you want to call it-- do it... why not? Stop being the impediment that keeps you from pursuing your dreams. Stop saying "tomorrow" because it isn't guaranteed. One day will be your last day. And you won't know it when the dawn comes that it will be your last one, and that when the last trace of sunshine fades from the sky and the stars appear in the night sky, freckles on the Universe’s face, and you close your eyes, and you just never wake up. Cease to exist. Eternally.

A little boy without anyone
Stood alone in the playground
He was taller than most
And wore the same blue varsity jacket
Oversized, just like him
Cast away and dull
Like the monotonous life he could have led.
But instead of choosing to be sad,
Desolated and scared,
He was happy.

He tried playing with all the the schoolchildren.
He tried pushing the girls on the swings.
Mothers weren’t too happy about that.
He tried playing basketball with the boys.
Fathers weren’t too happy about that.

A little boy who looked like an adult
Lived a lone wolf life while still a pup.
Although he was everyone’s friend,
I don’t recall anyone being his.

Even I forgot about him.
Until.
Last week. Car accident.
He died too young.
Still a child.

But he was happy.
Happier than most will be in their lifetimes.

-m.m.