She wanted to swim
If only her crutches
Let her.

my walls
crumbling down
my reservations
fading
my guards
dismantling.

I can feel
my heart
my mind
my body
my soul
opening up
for you.

I ask myself whether
this is good or bad.

I feel terrified
I am terrified

Of what I feel
For you.

There is struggle in every beginning.
What to write in these blank pages?

We get stuck in every white space we see
We stop in every blank space
We stare
We try to start

Words don't come easy

We struggle for ideas
We fumble for words

The thought process stops.

Catharsis.

The ideas flood our brains
The ideas pour
The brain leaks of ideas
But we struggle for structure

For there is none in these blank pages, white spaces
There is none.

We try to achieve form and flow
But there are none
All we have are fragments
of thoughts
of words

It's a stacatto of ideas.

Without rhythm
Without melody
Without harmony
For there are none in these blank pages
There are none in these white spaces

The words
are just lines
are just dots
are just strokes
that will never make sense

In these white spaces
In these blank pages

This beautiful mess.

Step one.
Open the top drawer of that dresser dad gave as a moving out present.
Step two.
Look for the keys. Yes, the one marked Yale. That tiny one.
Step three.
Under your bed, find that metal box you bought as your money safe.
Step four.
Open the box. Insert the key, twist, open the box.
Step five.
See all the memories and money you kept in. Find the notebook labeled “unsettling".
Step six.
Read everything you wrote. Read them until you remember. The exact moments, people, places, and feelings. Read every decisions. Read every mistakes. Read every regrets.
Step seven.
Feel everything. Feel the hate, love, indifference. Feel the feeling or the lack thereof.
Step eight.
Admit to yourself that everything is unsettling.
Step nine.
Return the journal. Lock the box.
Step ten.
Make tea. Drink it.
Step eleven.
Relax. Calm down.

It's settled.
You finally settled it.
There's something unsettling.

Tear my heart, if you must
If that's what it takes
To show you how broken I am
Shatter my ribs, if you must
If that's what it takes
To tell you how hurt I am

Hold my hands as you do it
Tie my legs
Pin me down
Mask my mouth
Chain my body

Just don't look me in the eye
So I won't see
I won't see hope
I won't see love
I won't see life

Break me quickly
End it easy.

is the color of
the ocean
the sky
the sails
of the boats
in the island where we met.

Blue
is the color of
your shirt
your eyes
that day we took a stroll
along the shore.

Blue
is the color of
the moon
that night we kissed.

Blue
is the color of
that day you left
without saying
goodbye.

Blue
is the color of
my (broken) heart.

I can see the sea in your eyes.
He said.
I wish I could see the sea with my eyes.
She said.