I didn't want to feel like this again.
I didn't want to attachment issues to come back.
They are my worst fear, and I dread they can make 6 months snap just like that.

My room seems so quite.
I have my music on full to block out the silence.
But these thoughts and these feelings are wounds and penetrations that are nothing more than violent.

And I'm overwhelmed by longing sensations.
I'm suffocated by numbing lacerations.
My skin is burning from the loneliness that is suppressed deep inside my stomach.

I sit with my plush animals so close to me, pressed upon my chest.
But when I hug them, they don't feel like home to me.
Though I promise I'm trying my best.

They are the issues that could ruin everything.
They are the thoughts that keep me up at night.
They are the anxieties and horrors that leave my throat feeling tight.

I'm holding back tears and I'm trying to stay calm.
But this is the after math of years of trauma, that leave me dreaming of only your arms..

If you actually knew your facts,
you would've kept your mouth shut.
You don't understand the situation.

I may, mistakenly, be changing up the facts.
Maybe you do know of the entire left side, and I am wrong
Yet I know-I know for a fact, that you sure as hell haven't heard the right.

So step back, seriously.
you don't know the power you've created.
I would say I warned you,
but it's too late for that.

Good Luck-You'll need it.

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too"*

Maybe I panic because I need to
for all of those who don't panic but should.
Maybe that's why I'm haunted by spirits I don't know.

Mummy, told me not to talk to strangers,
but these figures talk to me, do they not know?
In panic of the third hour
I don't see them but I know they see me
I feel their eyes move off my body

There are no humans in this world,
only animals, hungry for their instincts.
I am cautious of every detail
I know but no one else does
Can they feel my eyes?

Or feel my heart,
maybe even my sweat
and my dry tongue
because I pant
I am you. Animal.

*"They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." -Stephen King

I was defeated
By your strength
Of how you lured me in

The shadows of time move over us
Like clouds rushing in to storm.
The water becomes irresolutely churned
Taking our souls with it
All the way out to sea,
Away from everything we can predict.

And while we are drifting, weathering the storm
The motion surges our intuitions
And we lose the premonitions of why we came here.

Through the eruption of thunder
Our voices are lost and we’re not listening.
In the snapping of lightening
We are blinded to the truth in each other.
So we rely on the unknown movements
As we try to manoeuvre the sails of our ship.

But there is no knowing if we can survive this.
It’s real but we thought it was a game.
And the heart beats in fear now
Rather than with the survival of adrenalin and exaltation.