Wine, spinning, we dine,
Candles and moon making love,
.  .  .  Sparkle in her eyes.

i met her once
just once at an educators
conference....
she was a nun in modern
habit....
a older lady with a beatific
smile.... a sparkling intelligence, a love for life,
a glowing from within...
and now she is a photo on
the news.....
one of those taken from the sky.......

I keep walking through
clouds of you in every
square inch of this stupid
retail store. I wonder if
you quit because you
were tired of doing the
same with ghosts of me.

Speechless
Trying to let something out, maybe burst out
Probably shout out
Possibly break out
..
But no, not even close to talk it out
Ravaging inside me
Like a vulture ripping the **** out of its prey
..
Scared of flaming it out
What if it went wrong?
Since it always goes wrong..
Attempting so hard to gather my thoughts together
But they're like drizzles sprayed into the air
..
Returned to being insecure, on the inside
On the outside, seeking a queen, precious.
Excessively a judgmental world
Harsh claws, digging into prohibited areas
..
Not good, not good enough
I'll never be good enough
Not only to everyone, but especially to *him.

I told you,
you'd forget me
Like that penny in the washer
On a Sunday afternoon
Or the dead bird
in brittle grass
with winter sun

The clothes are dry
The snow has melted
And memory fades as the seas turn to deserts
like the love you had for me

I'm sick
of constantly
being on the
back-burner.

I am not someone
you can just use.
I am not,
and never will be,
"the second best."

Give me your all
or give me
nothing.