at
low tides
i
shall see
the
mermaids of Atlantis
with
their
ocean blue eyes

I am from poverty.
I am from sleepless nights,
hoping that my mom lives on.
I am from the news of my brother's death.
I am from being molested as a child.
I am from not knowing my father.
I am from living on the streets of Amsterdam,
trying to make it on to the next day.
I am from standing outside the park,
dreaming of being able to play stress-free.
I am from selling my body as a teen
to scrap up enough money for food.
I am from countless beatings.
But most importantly, I am from God.

i wrote a lot of great poetry when i was in love
i wrote even better poetry when i was in pain
i wrote the best poetry when i realized that the two emotions were actually the same.

you held me like catastrophe. afraid to let your arms fall away from my chest.
i held you like i knew what i was doing.

i will sing you the saddest song you’ve ever heard and you can smile softly through tears, reveling in your love for a sad girl.
i am a tragedy. a melodrama.
but we are acoustic devendra banhart songs at dusk. the sweet orange wind softly brushing against your windows//against our cheeks.

borrowed lipstick kisses flower at the roots of your legs. i bloom between the spaces of your sighs and whisper to each curve of your mouth.
i can write a love letter to each breath you take.

i know you want me vigorous. i know you love me insatiable. and i want you like i know what i’m doing. i want you like i’m much older and wiser. i want you like i’m not a quick kid.

your drinks are always too bitter. you say you fell in love with me for my smoke and flowers.

you feel like something so particular
the way your eyelids close humbly around my voice
your eyelashes softly piling around us like an altar
lovely: you are dangerously lovely in the most familiar way (yet
i know so little about you.)
i wonder what you feel like heavy from the sweat of the morning summer.
i imagine each of your ***** fingernails tracing a sadness i once knew.
draw me a picture of how loudly you laugh when you're the loneliest and
i will hum you a melody of how boldly the hairs on my skin stand when your cheek touches mine.
if you wrote me a letter, i would stretch it into a blanket so I could dream in your words.
if this is what infatuation feels like, i hope we never fall in love.

I just want you
to be happy
but sometimes
and selfishly
I want to be
your happiness

But
'happiness is a choice'
you say
and you didn't choose me

I clung onto the idea
since you made me happy
it would be the same for you

What is happiness now?
where has it gone to?
In time, society has robbed us
the real meaning of happiness

Go on your own way
and pursue your happiness
for your smile, is my smile
your laugh, is my laugh

and I'll be happy
when you find your happiness
because I love you
always have, always will